Floccinaucinihilipilification
by sockpuppet82
Summary: James and Lily are stuck together by an accidental spell combination, not able to go more than ten feet from each other. The only problem is that Lily still despises James. ...Right?
1. Abligurition

Chapter One: Abligurition

(spending an inconceivable amount of money on food)

* * *

Okay, so here's the thing: yes, I'm a Quidditch star; yes, I'm a Marauder; yes, I'm fantastically good looking and could get nearly any girl in the school; yes, everyone loves me. But I get totally and completely tongue-tied around Evans. It's embarrassing.

Whenever I'm around her my mind goes blank and my mouth spurts out some incredibly cheesy pick up line that hasn't been used since Romans were alive and she ends up yelling at me. All the time. Nearly every conversation with her leaves me banging my head against the wall, if she hasn't done it for me. And not even in a good way.

It also leaves me with a horrible mix of emotions. I'll be sad, because she's probably brushed me off or yelled at me; disappointed, because she's said no after I asked her out and because I acted like such a prat; dizzy, because I talked to her, and happy because I actually had an excuse to stare at her for once. Oh and I can also be in pain because she's hexed or punched me. All that can be quite confusing, to tell you the truth.

"Oi, Prongs, wake up, we're here," Sirius warned me, waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked, shook my head and headed up the steps after my friends. It was Saturday night and we were bored so Remus suggested a visit to Honeydukes. Yes, I know, Remus.

Everyone thinks he's such a goody-goody (Merlin, I hate that word) Prefect but that's only because he gets good grades and sucks up to the teachers. Somehow, even if he's goofing off with Sirius and me in class like we normally do, no one notices. I don't know how he does it.

Maybe it's because he's a Prefect? But then again I was made Head Boy this year. Although we Marauders have a sneaking suspicion that Dumbledore was drunk on Phoenix Flame when he made that particular decision. Twice as deadly as Firewhisky, a few shots of it will knock you out. It's amazing.

"Ooooh," said Peter as we climbed into the store and we all automatically shushed him. Peter could get a bit annoying sometimes…

"'K guys, let's stock up," I whispered excitedly. We wouldn't get an official Hogsmeade weekend for about a month so we'd have to ration carefully.

Ah who am I kidding, we'll be back within the week. We really are addicted to sugar.

Remus, of course, headed for the chocolate. He gets all these weird flavors like Strawberry and Mint or Hot Sauce. Sirius went to the Sherbet and Choco Balls and Peter went to the Cockroach Cluster. He likes those things for some reason.

We just prefer to turn a blind eye and not comment.

Or think about it.

Ever.

I strode over – trying to make my robes billow – to the Little Wrapped Sweets section. Or at least that's what I've dubbed it. It's where you find Pepper Imps, Chocolate Frogs, and Droobles Best Blowing Gum, among other weird and wonderful wonders.

All four of us started stuffing our pockets. The others had child-like looks of glee on their faces and were squealing happily but I'm _sure_ I refrained from doing the same.

Ahem.

Remus dropped some money in the register – maybe he _is_ responsible… – and we all grabbed a handful of Sugar Quills and scampered back down the trap door.

"Sirius you're gonna have to give up your Sherbet Ball for now," I smirked as he tried to walk while levitating three feet up in the air.

"No way," he pouted. "Wait…" He tried to swim through the air, over to the wall. Legs thrashing, arms flailing, it was not a pretty sight.

"Will someone give me a push?" he asked hopefully and I sighed and reached up to his back. There was no way I would be pushing anything lower than that. Sirius went flying into the wall and bounced back a little, rubbing his nose.

"Whatchya doing?" Remus asked, somewhat disinterestedly.

"I'm going to use the wall to pull me along!" came the slightly muffled, but no less enthusiastic reply.

So there we were. Walking, and floating, back to the castle. The silence was getting a bit oppressive in the dark passageway so I decided to liven things up a little.

"Hey guys d'you think Dumbledore made me Head Boy to try and get Lily and me together?" Their groans echoed off the walls and bounced around until it sounded like ten people were in there with us. Not deterred I continued with, "And it might work too! Me and her, sitting in the Heads common room, drawing up a patrol schedule, lights dimmed…"

It sounded very romantic and I was just getting into Daydream Mode when Remus slapped the back of my head with surprising strength.

Damn werewolf.

"Shut up," he said simply and went back to his chocolate.

"Thanks Moony," Sirius said, rather traitorously I thought. "I thought he'd go on about her for the rest of the walk. Erm…float. Whatever."

"Oh why don't you go back to sucking on your ball Padfoot," I said irritably. Hey, my head hurt!

We exchanged a few slightly-less-than-good-natured insults (yes, we've labeled them) until Peter walked into the wall at the end of the tunnel.

"Owww," he whined. "Why can't we light our wands!?"

"You _know_ why, Peter," Remus sighed. "You were there when the bats swarmed." We all shuddered.

That had been a Very Bad Night.

At the top of the stairs Sirius finally finished his sherbet and pulled out the Map.

"All clear," he whispered and tumbled out face-first.

We followed with a bit more dignity. If you can call falling on your arse dignified that is. I was just closing the witch's hump when Lily hurtled around the corner.

"I thought you said the coast was clear!" I hissed fearfully (ahem, _urgently_) to Padfoot and we all started backing away.

"She was two levels up!" he replied, a definite note of panic in his voice.

I don't know what he was so worried about. It was obviously me who would get screamed at. Again.

I know I shouldn't be smug… She's _screaming_ at me. But she's screaming at _me_!

Potter where the hell were you!?" she asked furiously, coming to a stop right in front of me. Sirius, Remus and Peter beat a hasty retreat and I started inching back.

"Erm…Kitchens?" I tried hopefully, ruffling my hair nervously.

"What day is it Potter?" she spat out and I winced. I had such a lovely first name, why couldn't she use it? I called her Lily…most of the time.

"Saturday?" Why was it that she always made me make my sentences into questions?

"And what do the Heads do on Saturdays?" she asked, sparks flashing in her eyes.

"Uhh…" I stalled, looking at my friends. It was only the first Saturday of the school week. They all shrugged helplessly and moved back further. Hmph. Some friends.

"Relax?" I tried, my throat closing over the end of the word as she twirled her wand around her fingers.

"No, Potter, we _patrol!_" she exploded furiously. "I had to patrol for an hour while you stuffed yourself! Lucius Malfoy tried to hex me!" she ranted and my eyes hardened.

Malfoy.

He would die.

I glanced at my friends and they nodded slightly, knowing exactly what I meant. How dare he try to hurt Lily?

Oh bollocks, Lily! It was never a good idea to forget about her…

"-Swear, I have no qualms about throwing you in detention until you've got grey hair, just because you're the Head Boy-!"

"Lily I'm really, really sorry and I'll make it up to you," I interjected in a calming (I hope) voice. "Do we patrol tomorrow too?"

"YES!" she shrieked and pointed her wand at me.

Then things got quite confusing. There was a weird sound, sprung from five different spells said at exactly the same time and a whisper as they all left their respective wands.

And then everything went dark.

* * *

"-Look so cute when they're sleeping!"

"I doubt they're sleeping, look Lily's here too."

"Yeah, she'd never sleep with them."

"Dunno why…"

"Well should we go and fetch Madam Pomfrey then?"

"Would Lily kill us for helping them?"

"Well we _are_ helping her too…"

"Lets just get out of here, they'll wake up eventually."

"Yeah, don't want people to think we're behind this."

"Exactly."

A pitter-patter of high-heeled shoes and then silence.

"Agghhh," I groaned.

Okay so overall, not one of my best sentences but I was in pain! I felt awful. My head was pounding like a horrible, twisted version of a drum solo. I was really shaky and limp and there was cold sweat on my face. Actually I might just throw up…

A head swam into my hazy vision and I tried to focus on it. It was a few seconds before I realized it was Padfoot. His mouth seemed to be moving but I couldn't really concentrate on it. The drums were too distracting.

I started shivering.

Huh.

Didn't know I had enough energy for that.

Another face swam into view but I couldn't concentrate on it. I did, however, see the red hair as it fell all over my face. I knew that should mean something to me but couldn't think what.

I tried experimentally raising my hand but it just flopped there, trembling, much like a fish. Someone grabbed it, I do know that much, because they felt really, really warm. Or maybe I was just cold…

The hand didn't let go but I gradually became aware that the ceiling was moving.

How odd.

I'd never heard of that before.

Stairways, yes, but not the ceilings.

But then I didn't usually look at the ceilings.

That would change now!

From this moment forward, I will always look up to the ceilings. They would be sacred.

My trembling got worse as the ceiling turned white. It was now full-blown shaking and the hand was squeezing tighter. I really wanted to throw up but the room was spinning too much. I felt horribly clammy and I briefly wondered if I killed myself, whether this would stop.

I could hear something but my ears weren't quite up to the job of listening yet. The sound grew a bit more insistent and I tried to focus on it.

I felt like someone had wrapped me in gauze, I couldn't do anything completely, yet I caught glimpses of what I was missing. I really wanted to feel normal again. I just wanted to be looking back on this as a memory.

It was the last thing I thought before I sunk gladly into the darkness in the back of my head.

* * *

**A/N: Resubmitted and newly Beta'd by Medicine_Man of Fiction Alley - Thanks!!**

**Review!! Favorite line?**


	2. CoadsNigs!

Chapter Two - Coads Nigs!

(an expression of surprise)

* * *

My eyes snapped open.

One second peaceful blackness and the next, blinding whiteness. I blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted and heard a sigh. One of my eyebrows lifted as I took in my surroundings.

White walls, somewhat hard bed, and people staring down at me.

Sirius, Remus, Peter, … Madam Pomfrey, … _Lily_? My other eyebrow joined the first as they all stared at me and I stared back.

"Uhh … what's up?" I tried, creeped out. They all sighed in relief, even Lily, and stopped staring like that.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked with a huge smile on his face.

"Yeah, why?" I frowned, confused.

"Retrograde Amnesia," Pomfrey explained when the others all looked at her. This didn't seem like much of an explanation to me and I automatically looked to Remus.

"What _do_ you remember?" he asked gently.

"Uhh…" I tried to focus on my memories but they were all scattered. "What day is it?"

"It's perfectly normal," Pomfrey reassured them when they all looked back to her.

"Saturday," Lily, surprisingly, answered. She looked really nice and worried. I've never gotten to see her look at me like that. I only see it when I'm watching her.

Key word is _watching_.

Not stalking.

"I remember…breakfast," I said slowly, memories catching up to me. "Putting that hippo – Uhh I mean doing homework," I smirked and Lily's mouth twitched.

I was so astonished I almost couldn't go on. But she nodded encouragingly and I closed my gaping mouth.

"Then lunch, … writing … something," I murmured vaguely and the rest of the Marauders snickered. Lily's eyes started to narrow suspiciously so I continued. "Then we were bored so we snuck out to…" I stopped, eyes widening.

"The kitchens," Sirius filled in quickly and Remus, Peter and I nodded enthusiastically.

"Riiight," Lily smirked. "But whatever, I'll find out where you were later, just keep going James."

Yay! She used my first name! I don't think she's ever used my first name before! A big soppy smile spread across my face and Sirius snickered.

"Umm…" I stalled, trying to forget the way she said 'James' in her lovely, musical voice.

James… James. Jaaames… ahh, she's so perfect…

"Then … oh," I said as it all flooded back. "Ugghh." I made a face and ran my hands roughly through my hair. "That was horrible!" I described what I could remember, which was not much as it was still quite hazy and they all winced accordingly.

"So what really happened?" I asked Lily.

"Well…" she stalled, looking around for help but we all just stared at her. "There was some sort of an explosion," she sighed. "I started to wake up while those annoying, stupid girls ran away from us when we were _clearly_ in need of help," she ranted a bit, eyes flashing.

Now _this_ was the Lily I knew!

"Sirius was waking up too and we went to go help Remus because he was lying all funny when you moaned and we saw the blood."

"Blood?" I squeaked. Okay, I might have a slight, _slight,_ (and very rational) fear of blood. Either that or it absolutely sickens me. One of the two.

I'm fine with it when it's not mine – then it's just salty red stuff. But the idea of my very life flowing out of my tiny little veins is really, really disturbing! Admit it.

Lily, of course, didn't know so she proceeded to explain it, in way too much detail, while I closed my eyes and pretended I was in Honolulu.

Don't ask.

"Yeah, it was all pooled around your head, don't know how we missed it actually. It was horribly scary. There you were with your blood _pouring_ out, all thick and red like you were dead, and Remus and Peter still unconscious. So I straightened all of Remus's limbs, still don't know how you didn't break an arm Remus," she added and he blushed and turned away. It was the werewolf thing.

"While Sirius went over to you and started calling your name. I came over as you started shaking and we got you, Peter and Remus into stretchers to float you guys to Madame Pomfrey."

Everyone else was nodding, (well Sirius was frowning) and I suddenly remembered the sacred moving ceilings.

Oh well, no need to bring that up…

"Once we got here, Madam Pomfrey gave us potions to give to Remus and Peter and she started to work on you. She said you only had a concussion, if a really bad one, and that you would be fine but…" she trailed off and peered at me. "You _are _fine, aren't you?"

No I was not fine. Actually I was quite dazed from Lily being so nice. To _me_! I could definitely get used to that. Although right now it was a bit odd, considering how mad she'd been that I'd forgotten rounds.

"Uhhugh." That was supposed to be a 'yes, thank you Lily,' but she was just so … _Lily_ that I couldn't even speak. She's just so pretty. And kind. And gentle. And compassionate…

"He's stunned that you care," Sirius inserted helpfully and she blushed and looked down.

Well.

This is awkward.

I don't particularly like awkward silences.

Maybe I'll just pretend that everybody's not avoiding each other's gaze.

Actually silence isn't so bad.

It makes me sleepy…

"Mr. Potter," barked Madam Pomfrey and my eyes jerked open and then drooped again. "It's important that you don't sleep just yet. You'll have to wait for about five hours."

"Five hours?" I gasped and it turned into a yawn. "But I'm so ti-i-ired," I yawned again.

"We'll keep you awake," Sirius smirked and Lily frowned.

"I have no doubt," she said dryly. "Well if you're fine, I'm going to go."

"Oh," I said, disappointed. "Okay." She started walking but didn't get more than a few paces away before she stopped abruptly and I was pulled to the edge of my bed by some odd, unknown force.

"Ow!" I yelped, clapping a hand to the bump on my head as I fell off my pillow.

"Why can't I leave?" she asked, trying to keep going. Each time she did I was jerked farther and farther to the side of my bed. She turned around, noticed my change in position and frowned dangerously.

"What have you done now, Potter?"

Ouch, back to last name basis.

"Me?" I asked indignantly. "I was the one knocked out!"

She turned to the rest of the Marauders and they shrugged innocently in unison. It took us months to get that down. The trick is to say a word in your head just after whoever is questioning you says their last word and _then_ shrug. Or in this case, turns to look at you. Ours is Snicklemiester. I don't really know why…

She stepped back against the invisible barrier and leaned into it. I fell off the bed and she landed on her arse.

"Oww," we whined together and she shot a death-glare at me. I swear, those things could melt ice.

"We're joined together Potter!" she shrieked, a note of panic in her voice.

"Joined together?" I repeated blankly. To demonstrate she threw herself backward and I slid across the floor, "Hey!"

"What did you _do!?_" she yelped.

"I didn't do anything!"

"When did it start?" Remus asked calmly, though his eyes were open far too wide.

"I don't _know_," she spat. "I've only just discovered it, haven't I?"

"When was the last time you were more than…" he paused to gauge the distance. "Ten feet from Pro- uhh James?" That made her pause.

"Not since… I came to find him," she answered thoughtfully but then turned back to me.

"What stupid spell did you use, Potter?" she yelled and I tried to back away before realizing it wouldn't work.

"Just a shield charm, I swear on Merlin."

"Did you say it properly?" she demanded.

"Of course," I pouted. "Protego. Nothing hard about it. What did _you_ use?"

"Furnunculus," she shrugged. "Maybe the two together…?"

"Uhh…" Sirius said guiltily.

"What did you do?" Lily asked him in her 'talking-to-a-five-year-old' voice.

I recognized it because she uses it so much on me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this_ is_ my life.

"Well… I may have used a spell too," he said hesitantly and her eyebrows shot together.

"_Which_ spell?"

"Impedimenta," he muttered.

"You Impedimenta'd me?" she squeaked, hands flying to her wand.

"I used a Shield Charm too," Remus blurted and she turned to him.

"I used the Mirror Hex," Peter squeaked and threw himself under the bed.

"Oh Merlin," she groaned, rubbing her temples.

If she went out with me, I could be comforting her right now. She doesn't know what she's missing…

"Okay, here's what we're going to do," I spoke up, making sure to keep my voice calm and level.

Peter had yet to come out from his hiding place.

"We're all going to walk to Dumbledore's office, explain the problem and have him fix us. We'll be free before curfew." Surprisingly, everyone obediently followed my orders. Maybe I should label that as my Head Boy voice?

* * *

"What d'you mean you can't fix us!?" Lily screeched before realizing whom she was yelling at and blushing.

"There has to be something you can do?" I asked him, somewhat frantically.

"Oh as if you're not enjoying every moment of this," she sneered at me.

"No, actually I _don't _enjoy you yelling in my ear every other minute," I said, somewhat coolly.

Unfortunately I had a temper. Sirius named it Jordan, back in first year. Don't ask me why, I'm not yet sure if I want to know.

"Could've fooled me," she spat.

"You think that's why I ask you out?" I shook my head. "Because it's just oh-so fun to have you screaming bloody murder?" I asked, definitely frosty. Sirius was smirking, as usual, thinking dirty thoughts. "Not _quite_, Evans." I said, my voice ice, and eyebrows went up around the room. She sat back in her chair and frowned at me but didn't say anything back.

"Woah, Jordan," Sirius smirked and easily dodged my half-hearted swing at him.

"Well now that we've got that out of the way," Dumbledore said, eyes twinkling.

Honestly, how does the man do it? Remus insists that he uses a charm – no one's eyes can twinkle like that naturally. Sirius said something about a potion that captures the light from the stars but we just told him to give up drinking.

I personally think he practices.

In front of a mirror.

Which I have _definitely_ never done.

Ahem...

The reason," Dumbledore twinkled, "that I can't undo your spells is because there was multiple spells involved. I will have to examine each of the spells and their nature to find out what exactly happened. It will take some time, even with people helping me."

Lily's mouth was open and she was looking vaguely catatonic.

"Sir, when you say some time…" I asked hesitantly.

"We're looking at days, Mr. Potter, probably weeks." Lily inhaled a long, deep breath and looked close to tears. Remus, Peter and I were wincing but Sirius looked horrified.

"Sir," he breathed. "Quidditch!" I gasped dramatically, almost choking on my tongue actually.

"I will arrange for Gryffindor to be one of the last teams to play," nodded Dumbledore and Sirius and I breathed sighs of utter relief. "Mr. Potter and Miss Evans, I have a few suggestions," he continued, turning to us, and we nodded, though Lily was still in a bit of a daze.

"I know you both declined the use of the Heads' common room and dormitories but I think things would be simpler if they were used. You could use Mr. Potter's room, as yours, Miss Evans, is inaccessible to males. I could arrange for twin beds to be brought in and placed close together. Am I right in assuming you do not wish to share a bed?" he inquired, eyes doing a full-blown twinkle tap-dance.

"Yes, of course Sir!" Lily answered emphatically and I shrugged. I wouldn't quite mind it (hehe) but I know Lily would. She'd probably hate the fact that I was close enough to touch her…

Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever start liking me?

Nah, it's bound to happen sooner or later. Who could resist me? Not Lily Evans, that's for sure!

...Merlin, no wonder she hates me...

"Do you share all the same classes?" Dumbledore asked a little too innocently, and Lily glared at me.

"Yes," she answered sullenly. "Thanks to him."

"Good thing too," I smirked.

"Yes, well that does make things easier," Dumbledore twinkled happily. "I'll also need a memory of the moment before the spell took place so I can see if you performed your incantations correctly. Mr. Potter, I believe you've done that before?"

I certainly had. But let's not get into that…

"Yes Sir," I replied absently, thinking hard about the moment with my wand tip at my temple. I winced a little as I extracted the memory but the unpleasant feeling soon faded. I scooped the floaty silver memory into the container Dumbledore offered and we walked down the staircase in an awkward silence.

* * *

**A/N: Beta'd by Medicine_Man of Fiction Alley - Thanks!!**

**Review!! Favorite line?**


	3. Callipygian

* * *

Chapter Three - Callipygian

(an adjective meaning having shapely buttocks)

* * *

"I've just remembered!" gasped Sirius as we hit the bottom of Dumbledore's stairs. "You won't be able to…" he stopped, looking at Lily. "You know…_Prongs_," he said significantly and I clapped a hand to my head.

"If I'm not there, you can't go," I told him, rather seriously. "One might not be enough." We both turned to Remus looking extremely guilty.

"Don't worry about it," he shook his head.

"Moony we're _really_ sorry-" I started but he shook his head again, more emphatically.

"Honestly, you guys, don't worry. You've never missed one before and I didn't expect anything close to what you've done already." I wasn't quite convinced but now was not really the time to get into it, what with Lily listening to our every word.

"If I ask you what that was about will you jump and start babbling excuses?" she asked casually, as if she was talking about the weather.

"Uhh…" Sirius stalled. "Maybe?"

"'K," she shrugged and started walking, dragging me along behind. "Come on Potter," she growled and Sirius winced sympathetically at me.

"Don't know what you see in her mate," he informed me and she wheeled around.

Perfect.

Thanks so much Padfoot, old pal.

"I don't know what you see in _him._ He's the one that got us into this mess," she hissed, pointing to me.

"_He_ didn't do this, you did!" Sirius shot back. "Why do you feel the need to hex him every second, huh?"

Padfoot has a temper too. I call it Seven. Not quite sure why. I think there may have been bottles of rum involved…

"If he hadn't skipped out of rounds then none of this would have happened!" Lily shouted.

"Same thing with you and trying to hex him," Sirius yelled back.

"Seven, calm down!" I told Sirius and he stopped yelling but continued to glare at Lily.

"James I don't know why you fancy her," he told me angrily. "She's as arrogant as she claims you are and she doesn't even really know you!" he shook his head and stormed off. I turned to Remus and he nodded and strode after him, Peter in tow.

"I am _not_ arrogant," Lily said indignantly.

"Wanna go check out our new bedroom?" I asked awkwardly.

Well at least I didn't ask her out again.

But I figure that while we're connected I probably shouldn't do that. It's hard to run away from someone who can't go more than ten feet from you. Also even if she said no she'd still have to come. It's not like she could just leave.

We silently made our way through the Gryffindor common room and the tapestry that would take us to our own. It was quite grand looking with smooth mahogany floors and the clean, new-looking couches and chairs. We (still silently) went up the three steps to my room and found doubles of everything. Mirrors, wardrobes, beds, night-stands…

"There's no hangings on these beds," Lily gasped.

"They're probably too small," I shrugged.

"Great, now you're going to watch me sleep," she muttered.

She knows me too well.

"Let's check out the bathroom," I said hastily.

Yup, even double showers.

"Well that's nice, we can shower at the same time," I said optimistically.

"They're too close together," she folded her arms across her chest. "You'll peek through the curtains."

"Lily, I honestly wouldn't do that," I told her. It was true, too. If I'm going to see her naked, I want it to be because she wants me to see her. Please, Merlin let that happen.

"Yeah right," she snorted.

"I wouldn't," I said, looking into her eyes, hoping the calm honesty thing would work. I really didn't want to explain my reasoning to her. She didn't look too convinced but let the matter drop.

"How am I supposed to get my things out of my dormitory?"

"Uhh…" I stalled, trying not to seem as though I knew the answer as easy as breathing. "Oh, well I suppose I could fly up."

"We'll go to your dorm first then."

"It may be a little messy," I warned her hesitantly.

"How messy could it be?" she snorted. "We're only five days into-" she broke off to gasp as I threw open the door.

There were piles of clothes, both clean and dirty lying everywhere. There was a heap of candy under our window and miscellaneous things littered the rest of the floor, making it difficult to walk. I quickly sifted through the piles, throwing my stuff into my trunk as Lily looked around in horrified fascination.

"How do you live like this?" she asked me, eyes wide.

"Well we're hardly ever in here…" I tried but it was no use. I couldn't lie to _Lily_! "We're slobs," I sighed and hung my head.

"Well you wont be when you share a room with me," she warned.

Yeah as if I'd leave my boxers hanging from _our_ lamp.

Our lamp.

This was so amazing, we had a lamp together!

"Even Remus," she shook her head sadly, looking at his bed which was partially smothered in junk. He tended to just push it to the side and sleep in the space left.

"Never know to look at him right?" I chuckled and sat down against my bed on the floor, yawning. "Merlin I'm tired."

"You're supposed to stay awake," she snapped.

"You try," I mumbled, not really making much sense.

"Alright, look, I'm not very good at household spells," she said guiltily, as though that confession was her dirty little secret or something. "So don't blame me if this goes horribly wrong. _Pack_!" she cried, waving her wand. Things sprung up from all over the room and flew into my trunk, a pair of socks cuffing my head as they zoomed past.

"I thought you said you weren't good at them?" My trunk was full of … well all sorts of things, some of which I didn't exactly want Lily to look too closely at.

"Well just look at it all. It's horribly jumbled. And I'm supposed to be good at charms," she mumbled.

"It's just the same as if I threw it in there like I was planning too,' I pointed out. "And you're brilliant at charms, first in our year."

"Are you sure it's even all your stuff?" she worried.

Aw! Look at her, she's so adorable when she's worried. Her eyebrows pinch together a little and her lips pout a bit…

"'Course," I told her, slipping Peters shoe out quickly. "Now let's go get your stuff before I faint of exhaustion."

I wasn't even exaggerating. I was actually a bit wobbly on my feet.

I floated up to her room on my Cleansweep. Usually I'd just transform but Lily can't be told about _that_ particular Marauder secret just yet. Her room was so much neater than ours. Actually ours seemed like a clip from a horror movie compared to hers. It was sunny, clean and smelt like daisies. And it was Lily's.

Basically, heaven.

As we floated back down to the common room people started pointing and whispering. I didn't notice at first (it's a pretty everyday occurrence for us Marauders) but Lily got a bit uncomfortable.

"Due to an accidental spell combination," she announced, standing up on a chair, "Potter and myself cannot go father than ten feet from each other. That is the only reason he was allowed in my dormitory, all other males are still banned."

For a minute everyone stared at us levitating our trunks through the room. Then simultaneously they all broke into loud, raucous laughter. I smirked and bowed deeply and they started clapping.

"Honestly, Potter, do you have to be _such_ a show-off?" Lily snarled as soon as we were through the tapestry.

"I only bowed," I protested sleepily and dropped onto the couch, dragging her forward a little bit.

"But now they all think that we did it on purpose!" she hissed.

"Do not…" I mumbled childishly. But what can I say, I'm a Marauder. "Am I allowed to sleep yet?" I asked her, making sure to sound extra pitiful.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

"I suppose so," she frowned. "Though it's only been four and half hours."

"Great, let's go to bed!" I cried, hauling my weak muscles up and trying not to fall over as the room spun. Once I'd lurched into our bedroom she sat me down on the floor.

"Close your eyes, face over here and _don't you dare turn around_," she ordered and I obediently shut my eyes tight. I meant what I said about not peeking at her.

That became so much more difficult, however, when I heard the beautiful sound of fabric sliding over skin. _I_ wanted to be the one undressing her right now.

I could see it in such vivid detail. Her looking up at me with wanting flashing in those perfect green eyes. Me standing close, heat rushing between us. Beautiful Soul playing in the background, the lights are dimmed. I run my hands up her smooth back and slowly tug off her shirt, taking my time to savor the moment as she lifts her hands up above her head, eyes never leaving mine…

"Okay I'm done, your turn."

"Ahh!" I yelped, the end fading off into a squeal. That's right, very manly James.

"What is your problem?" she demanded, foot tapping ominously.

"Oh sorry I-"

What?

"I fell asleep," I lied; all thoughts of sleep pushed to the back of my mind.

"Whatever, just get dressed," she sighed and plopped herself down on the floor by my dresser.

I tugged off my shirt, wondering if she was thinking the same thing I had. Probably not, seeing as she hates the sight of me, I sighed and let the shirt drop to the ground while rummaging around for my pajama one. I didn't usually sleep with a shirt on but I thought Lily would be more comfortable if I wore one, at least for the first night. I unbuckled my belt and pushed my jeans to the floor. As I did, I noticed the mirror across from where Lily sat. Was she looking at it? Did she sit there on purpose?

"Hey Lily…"

"What, Potter?"

"D'you mind if I don't wear a shirt? It'll be weird going to bed with one on."

"Oh…whatever Potter, just hurry up."

Hehe.

* * *

"BOO!"

"Ahh!" I yelled for the second time in only a few hours.

Honestly.

I fell out of bed and our connection dragged Lily to the floor as well.

"POTTER!"

"Lily?"

"Sirius!?"

"Lily!"

"Padfoot?"

"Prongs!"

"Potter!" Lily screeched again and we all stopped. "What the hell happened!?'

"I dunno," I shrugged, crawling around the side of my bed so I could see her face. "Ask Padfoot."

"Sirius?" she turned to him, flicking her tousled red hair off her shoulders, I stared at her. She looked so gorgeous. I wanted so badly to wake up to that everyday. I sighed and Sirius smirked at me.

"It's nine o'clock guys," he shrugged. "Up and at 'em."

"How are you even awake right now?" I groaned before Lily could bite his head off. Literally.

"Peeves," he shrugged and I nodded wisely.

Been there.

"Wanted to share the joy," he smirked and dodged the pillow Lily threw at him. "Sweet dreams?" he grinned at her. She blushed a deep red and we stared at her, eyebrows raised.

"You two look ridiculous when you do that," she told us and we frowned, hurt.

"Do not," Padfoot pouted.

"It took us ages to get that look down," I informed her.

"Don't _tell_ people that," Sirius threw the pillow at me.

"Well I can tell _her_," I pouted, ruffling my hair where the pillow had smoothed it down.

"Why _her_?" he sneered. "She'll only hold it over our heads."

"Oh like anyone would care anyways," I sulked.

"It takes away from it," Sirius insisted.

"Just go back to interrogating Lily would you?"

"Oh yeah." He turned around. "What'd you dream about?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing," she insisted. "Now will you leave so I can get changed?"

"Nope," he said promptly. "Was it good or bad?"

She hesitated for a moment and then blushed again.

"Bad, definitely bad," she said almost frantically and Padfoot and I did our one-eyebrow-raised look again. "Don't look at me like that!" she cried.

"Ok_ay_," Sirius shrugged. "Hey mate I thought of another thing you wont be able to do," he said glumly, turning to me.

"What?" I asked apprehensively.

"Prank anyone," he replied with the utmost misery and I gasped, both hands flying to my mouth.

"No…" I breathed, my eyes fixed on my certain future. People mocking me in the halls. I'd get disbanded from the Marauders. I'd have to pay attention during classes. I'd have to _study_.

I blinked as Lily snapped her fingers under my nose.

"For Merlin's sake it's not that big of a deal."

Sirius and I turned to her, eyes narrowed.

"Exc_use_ me?" he asked dangerously.

"They're only _pranks_," she said dissmisivly. "You can live without them."

Sirius lunged and I quickly got in-between them.

"Seven!" I shouted.

"She – there's just – you can't – I …" he spluttered, apparently at a loss for words.

"Padfoot, calm down," I said soothingly as he started to growl like … well … Padfoot.

"She insulted our religion," he breathed.

"Your religion?" Lily asked incredulously. Did she not see him lunge?

"Yeah, it's called Prankology," I explained. "Padfoot, why don't you go wake up Moony?"

"Fine," he sulked and left the room, slamming the door.

"What a child," Lily laughed scornfully.

"Excuse me?" I raised my brows. Not that it wasn't true.

"I'm sure he can survive without his partner in crime for a few weeks," she said condescendingly.

"What makes you think he'll be surviving without me?" I asked coldly. She gaped at me, apparently unused to Jordan.

"There is no way that I'm going to be spending all my time with that horrible, rule-breaking, womanizer!" she said hotly.

Maybe Padfoot and me should name Lily's temper? Calypso, or something like that…

"I've already given up pulling pranks, I'm not giving up my best friends too," I said through gritted teeth. "I wouldn't ask you too."

"Well if you want us to spend all our time with your friends then I'd say you just did," she spat, being completely unreasonable, I think.

"Is there a rule that your friends and mine can't be near each other?"

"They don't like you," she sniffed and I snorted. "Okay fine, they're in love with you but I'm still not spending all my time with Sirius Black!"

"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked, a bit stunned.

"He's immature-" she started hotly.

"Don't see what so wrong with that," I frowned. "Not everyone can be as serious as you are all the time!"

"You can't say anything to him without him turning it into something dirty-"

"So what?" I quite like that about him.

"He takes advantage of women-"

"Oh well that's just not true," I interrupted, folding my arms across my chest.

"You of all people know how many girls he's been through," she said hotly.

"You can't tell me that they don't know what they're getting into," I said incredulously. "and it's not like he _forces_ them to go out with him."

"See this is the thing about you Potter," she raged. "You claim to be all horribly smitten with me and yet here you are, yelling at me!"

"If anyone else had said all the stupid things you did I'd be throwing hex's at them! Look, I'm not just going to sit by while _anyone_ insults Sirius. Not even you, Lily," I told her in a softer tone of voice. She blinked rapidly and I got the feeling she was trying not to cry when a scratching at sound interrupted us. We both looked at the door and it came again.

Lily marched over, towing me along behind mind you, and threw it open.

"Wha-" she gasped and my eyebrows shot up. There on our floor was Padfoot, his tongue lolling out and wearing his best cute-dog expression.

"Is he yours?" Lily asked me, crouching down.

"Definitely not," I smirked and then yelped as he jumped up to my shoulders and licked my face once.

"He licked my face!" I cried. It's so much more disturbing when you know that he's actually your best mate. Apparently he didn't mind as much because he just rubbed up against my leg and barked. He'd probably been listening the whole time.

"Aren't you cute," Lily told him, rubbing his ears and he instantly went into charmer mode, wagging his tail and licking her hand.

"I wonder who he belongs too?"

"I dunno, I've never seen him before," I lied.

"Hey James have you-" Remus came bursting in and stopped when he saw Padfoot, mouth hanging open. "Uhh…"

"Do you know who's dog it is?" asked Lily innocently.

"You…you mean he's not yours?" Remus lied weakly. "I was just wondering where Sirius is." Lily frowned but smiled again when she looked at Padfoot.

"I know it's crazy," she laughed, "so don't mock me, but this dog actually reminds me of him!" Moony and I froze, eyes on Lily. Even Padfoot glanced up.

"How so?" I asked casually. Or I hope it sounded casual. I was trying not to squeak.

"I don't know really…" she said thoughtfully. "It's just the way he acts. All silly and playful and charming," she added and Padfoot licked her face happily. "Plus his fur looks just like Sirius's hair. And it's so silky for a dog." At this Padfoot barked joyfully and pounced on Lilly, licking her all over.

"And his bark sounds like his laugh," she gasped once he'd finally stopped.

"What are you going to name him?" Moony asked with a wicked gleam in his eye. Ahh I love Moony.

"How about…Snuffles?" Lily smiled and Padfoot sneezed. "I think he likes it," she cooed and he wrinkled his nose.

Quite a feat in a dog.


	4. Bogglish

**A/N: Heyy!! I just wanted to say THANK YOU!! You guys rock! You reviewed! I loved them so much that sometimes I'd just log on and look at the reviews and smile :) as lame as that sounds haha :P Especially thanks to AmazonWarriorPrincess, she was so nice! Thanks guys, it means a ton.**

**Edit: Urgh, spelling mistakes!! :-(**

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**CHAPTER FOUR - Bogglish (To be uncertain or doubtful about something)**

.

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Should I try to name all of the emotions running through me? Oh why not. If I don't, then I'll have to pretend I'm not listening to James and Sirius plot ways to prank people behind my back.

And really, theres only so much a girl can do to look interested in her scrambled eggs.

Okay, here it goes.

Horrified, terrified, shocked, irritable, fearful, confused, denialy (yes, I know that's not a word, go with it), mortified, awkward, happy, disapproving, and hot.

Yup, I know what you're thinking. I'm thinking it too. How am I not exploding? I'm not sure, really. Should I explain why I'm feeling that way? Oh why not. James and Sirius are actually contemplating knocking me out and towing me around on a stretcher. Boys.

Horrified. Okay, here's the thing. I may have a teensy-weensy crush on James Potter. I was just planning on ignoring him as much as I could (like usual) until it went away, but oh no. The word _easy_ does not exist in Lily Evans's personal dictionary. We had to go get bloody _connected!_

Terrified. I'm terrified (well scared really, but terrified sounds so much more dramatic) of actually going out with Potter. I know it's kind of stupid and selfish but what if he breaks my heart? What if he decides the chase was more fun than the reward? It's pretty much what happened with all of his other ... ahem ... _relationships_. If you could call them that. Although I don't think he had to do much chasing. So I'm scared of letting my guard down, I guess. Don't mock.

Shocked. I'm shocked that he yelled at me. Me! He's supposed to be ridiculously in lust with me, how could he yell? Granted, I was being a right bitch at the time but still. It made me want to cry. Add 'sad' to that list.

Irritable. Okay, I think this one's perfectly rational. Who wouldn't be a bit irritable? I'm chained to my worst(ish) enemy, crush, and the guy I was trying to avoid! Plus I've got that annoying mix of emotions running through me and I never know which one will pop out next. Damn hormones. I'd never fancy Potter if it wasn't for them. I was also irritable (a.k.a. nicer way of saying bitchy) because I'm going to have to apologize. To Potter. I've never done that before, and I'm not too keen to start.

Fearful. Holy bloody Merlin! What if he sees me drooling in my sleep or something? Or snoring... or crying ... and what if he sees me with my face all red and blotchy from the shower? Argh! Boys are so much simpler.

Confused. Do I do something about James and I or don't I? Do I take the risk or not? I want to, yet reason is rearing it's ugly head. It's not fun to get hurt. I should know. Do I even really like him or is it just because he's ridiculously hot? Does he even really like me? Would things get messy if we got together now? We would never be able to have our own space, you know?

Denialy. It's all tied into the confusion. I'm only physically attracted to Ja-Potter. I don't really find him charming. Really! There's also - I'm sure they'll pry us apart soon...

Mortified. Also tied into fearful and irritable. It's stupid but... I'm already embarrassed that he saw my hair all sleep-tousled (and not in the attractive movie star way, let me tell you) and my eyes heavy when we woke up this morning. Maybe I could wake up before him and fix it? I'm also embarrassed because I have to apologize. Did I mention that I hate saying sorry?

Awkward. I don't know how to act around him! Especially after the Sirius fight. But just in general, I'm feeling distinctly awkward.

Happy. I'm tied to James Potter, I'm tied to James Potter! Haha, eat dirt lowly commoners!

Disapproving. Prankology? Honestly, where do they come up with this stuff? That's not the only reason though. At the moment they're discussing which sleeping potion to use to knock me out. I'm sitting right here!

Hot. I'm tied to _James Potter._ Do you understand how good looking he is? He's the kind of fit that you instantly recognize when walking down the street. The kind that turns heads. You would never have to wonder whether to rate him a nine or a ten. He's an instant one hundred, completely shattering your pathetic scale. Why he likes me... And then he slept without a shirt last night! I nearly died. And I was perving at him in the mirror! It's so unlike me but I couldn't help it. Damn hormones. Do you know how distracting it is to wake up to sleep-tousled perfection? And he really did have the movie star sleep-tousled thing going on.

.

.

"No, not the one made of Acromantula Venom, unless you want me to be paralyzed for a few hours," I told them absently, my mind still pouring over James's abs. "I'm sitting five feet away," I rolled my eyes when they looked guilty. "Of course I can hear you."

I tried to stop the smile tugging at my lips but it crept it's way up there anyway. They stared at it in disbelief. Well if that surprised them, then this might kill them.

"Look James... I owe you an apology," I sighed and their mouths dropped open in unison. "You too, Sirius," I nodded to him and their mouths inched downward again.

"I was insulting both of you last night and I'm sorry I was so irritable, I've just been feeling..." I paused and the corners of my mouth twitched. "Uhh... complicated," I tried, knowing that it didn't even come close. "So I apologise," I finished.

There! Almost killed me, but I did it! Let no one say that Lily Evans is unfair. I looked up into two utterly gobsmacked faces and smirked. They shook their heads a bit and Sirius's expression started to clear. James however, kept staring at me as though I had suddenly developed green skin and tentacles.

"Always knew I liked her," Sirius grabbed more toast.

You know I'm not as uptight as I act around James. I know I put on my Head Girl attitude whenever he's near (which, if you haven't noticed, is 24/7 nowadays) but that's only to discourage him. From both pranks and me. Didn't exactly work out now did it? I pull a few pranks myself from time to time, though nobody ever finds out that it was me of course. I wonder if I should tell the Marauders if I was the reason they had glowing, neon pink hair for a week? Maybe later...

I think I should make a resolution not to be as broomstick-up-my-arse around James anymore. I think I should take the risk. I mean I'll still say no if he asks me out again but while we're stuck together I should probably be nice, right? I'll start by calling him James. Maybe not just yet though, he's still quite flabbergasted from my apology.

"It's rude to stare," I told him, smiling sweetly.

"Oh!" he jumped. "I just ... I didn't ... there was-"

"Not a big deal," I shrugged. For Merlins sake, the boy stared at me all the time, why start apologizing now? "But we should probably get to class, it's Charms first!" I told him with a smile and started bouncing up and down.

"'K," he shook his head, probably laughing at me. "Come on Padfoot."

"What? We'll be early!" he said, shocked.

"For _Charms,_" I told him, still bouncing. "That's a good thing!" James's head swiveled to me.

"Only because you're a Charmsaholic," he frowned, crossing his arms over his chest and James looked back to him. Really, what was with this boy and making up words?

"Please?" Potters head swept back to me so fast I wondered if he got a bit of whiplash. I knew that James probably wouldn't come without him and I didn't relish the thought of trying to drag him up three floors.

"Only if you and James skip History of Magic with me this afternoon," he said with a horribly wicked gleam in his eyes. James was surely going to get sick from all his head-swiveling.

I could get the notes from some Ravenclaw, I mused, because the notes were really all you needed. But skipping's wrong, against the rules and I'm Head Girl!

Ah, screw it, I really didn't want to go.

"Deal," I told him, smiling happily.

"What?" James smirked. "Lily Evans, cutting class? It's unheard of."

"Only because I'm never dragged into detention because of it," I finished the last of my juice, standing up and Sirius laughed.

I can't believe he showed up in his Animagus form last night! Yeah, yeah, I know about that. I never used it as blackmail though. I thought that might be a bit too extreme to joke about. Like, stop asking me out or I'll get you suspended and thrown into Azkaban for who knows how long? Harsh.

Plus I didn't want them to know that I overheard them when they were in the Library. Forced in by Remus actually. Because they might think that I'd been spying on them. Which I wasn't! I just... lingered longer than necessary to get my books. Yeah.

But it was fun to freak them out last night. Their faces! Honestly, could they _be_ more conspicuous? I should probably tell James that I know about Remus, too. I haven't so far because I didn't want to make things awkward between us but now... what if they want to talk about it, you know?

It was hard enough pretending I didn't understand them when they spoke in that oh so clever (yes, I'm a fan of sarcasm) code after we got out of Dumbledore's office. Talk about not being subtle. I hadn't actually known that they became Animagi to keep Remus company on full moons. I thought they were just bored or something. It's so unbelievably nice of them.

That's actually why I got into that little shouting match with Sirius that night. Another mix of emotions. Anger, surprise, disaprovingness (I'm sure that's a word...), approvingness (yes, I know, I'm complicated) and worry. Though I wouldn't have admitted it at the time of course.

I just hate that the Marauders must think I'm a total bitch for no reason at all. I'm always turning down James and being rude to him ... and yelling at him ... and hitting him ...

In the past it was because he would genuinely annoy me but for a bit of last year, the summer and this year, it's just been because I've been afraid. Such a good reason. So I'll scream at him for tiny little things. God I'm messed up.

"Phh," Sirius frowned.

"What's up?" I asked immediately. Still feel pretty guilty about last night actually.

"Nothing," he snapped. Whoa, ok_ay_ then. Guess I'm not the only one who hates being rubbish at something.

"Sure," James snorted, waving his wand randomly and a jet of ice flew out like a bullet. "Oh shit..."

"Whatever, I'm sure Flitwick's used to it by now," I sighed and they tilted their heads to the side quizzically.

"Do you guys need any help? In exchange for helping me with Transfiguration?" I threw in eagerly, hoping they wouldn't be offended. Nope. Instead their eyes lit up like Christmas trees.

"Help, Evans?" Sirius asked smugly and I rolled my eyes.

"Rub it in Sirius, thanks, that feels so great."

"I can't believe you just asked for _help_," James smirked.

"From _us_," Sirius said, mirroring James's expression perfectly.

"Well if you'd like, I could ask someone else, and leave you two to your own devices," I glared. One step at a time Lily.

"No, we wouldn't prefer," James hung his head, mock remorsefully.

"Do the spell then," I directed.

We were supposed to be creating snow to fall on our desk. I'd managed it ages before. I'm not quite sure what they'd been doing though. The downside to daydreaming Ladies and Gentlemen.

"Glacialis," they chorused. James only got a gross slushy hail. I know, who would've thought I'd put an 'only' in front of that sentence right? Sirius got huge chunks of ice.

Ever had someone chuck ice cubes at your head before? Not so fun, it turns out. Hail's like snowballs compared to that.

"Ahh!" I shrieked, stupidly, before coming to my senses and yelling the counter curse.

"Right," I breathed, sitting in shock for a second.

I numbly started to brush the many chunks of frozen water from my hair while James brushed them from my back and shoulders. I actually let him too, until I saw his crazy grin. He wasn't even really brushing my back either, more like rubbing it or something. But I just couldn't bring myself to snap at him so I raised my eyebrows and stared at him until he stopped.

Kinda wish he hadn't though...

"Umm," I said, shaking my head a bit. It was bad enough having that dream last night. What if I'd moaned his name or something? Can you spell awkward?

"Okay so I know what you're doing wrong," I said, finally looking over at Sirius. His eyes were darting in between James and I with a suspicion in them that did not make me feel comfortable.

"You've got the spell and wand movements right, you're just doing them like you would in Transfiguration." They scratched their heads.

No, literally. I'd always thought it was a metaphorical expression...

"Look," I elaborated. "Charms and Transfiguration are kind of opposites. With Charms, you have to be fluid and relaxed, while in Transfiguration you have to be rather determined and subtle. Usually when people are extraordinarily good at one subject, they're not as talented in the other. Which, not to brag," I added hastily, "is probably the case with us. We just need to help each other be opposite from what comes naturally. If that makes any sense," I frowned.

"It does!" James nodded rapidly. "You'd be a great teacher!"

I wonder if he heard a word I said? Oh God, Sirius is smirking at him again.

"I bet you ten galleons that you die with a smirk on your face," I told him.

"Oh I'd never take that bet," he shook his head. "I'm quite fond of winning."

Damn you, smirk! I wonder if I could charm it off? Or freeze his face like that? That would be a good prank. Show the Marauders that I'm not really as lame as I act. Around James. Good God, why does that boy still like me?

"Just think fluid and relaxed," I told them. "It will happen when it happens, no use rushing it."

"How can you stand to think that way all the time?" Sirius asked, looking revolted.

"Oh I don't," I shuddered a bit and they looked at me with _that_ look. "I just thought that it would be the easiest way of teaching you two. Charms is about being light and energy and fun, to get into cliches. It's about swishing and flicking, not jabbing ridgedly. No offense," I added quickly but was too into my speech to truly care if they were offended.

"It's not as much about being determined to do the charm but _wanting_ to. You have to let yourself pour into the charm. I mean, sure, you have to say the incantation and do the wand work correctly but the spirit behind things matters just as much." I stopped and looked over at them, feeling so alive. This was why I loved Charms.

Sirius was smiling. Yes, smiling! Will the wonders never cease! James was looking at me with an odd expression. I could recognize the awe, truth be told, I've seen it before. But there was something else, so tender that it made me want to ... throw myself at him. Really, really badly.

Sirius leaned over to James's ear and almost without thinking I performed an extended hearing charm non-verbally. That charm was probably the reason why I am Head Girl today. I love the Library.

"_Now_ I know what you see in her," he whispered and James smiled. Ohmigod _smiled!_

"You're smiling..." I said, dumbfounded, staring at his mouth. I tilted my head around a bit to examine it from all angles.

"I smile all the time," he said, the smile dropping and I reluctantly sat back in my seat.

"Not around me," I told him truthfully. "Around me you smirk."

"Y'know she may be right Prongs," Sirius chimed in thoughtfully.

"I _have_ commented on it you know. Or at least that you smirk so much," I said.

"To be honest, I try to forget everything you say that can't be turned into something nice," James told me, a bit sheepishly.

"That explains so much..." I mused and Sirius barked. Well actually he laughed but for Merlin's sake, the two actions are so close, what does it really matter?

"Okay, try your charms again. Oh, wait!" I held up my hands as they raised their wands. "I'd better perform shield charms on whoever isn't trying," I rubbed a bruise on my cheekbone.

"Why not the one who's actually doing the spell?" Sirius pouted and I smirked.

"That's your punishment for getting it wrong."

By then end of class, all three of us were showing serious signs of bruising but both James and Sirius had mastered the charm - much to their delight. They promptly showed off their newfound skills by burying the first Slytherin they could find under a blizzards worth of snow. It just happened (or not, you could never really tell with them) to be Regulus Black.

"Stop it!" I told them, severely pissed off. "He could suffocate!"

"If he's any sense then he'll conjure a bubble-head charm," Sirius shrugged, looking at the huge mound of snow.

"But then again he's _your_ brother," James said slyly and was rewarded with a punch to the arm.

"Ow!" he yelped. "I have a bruise there," he continued defensively when Sirius raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah we don't look too great, do we?" Sirius mused, looking down at his mottled arms.

I looked down at myself and gasped. There were little bruises all over my arms - as if someone had pressed their fingers down too hard. I tilted my head further down, probably earning myself a double-chin in the process, and found more on my chest.

"I help you and this is what I get?" I asked them mournfully.

"Oh, Lily, are you are right?" James frowned with concern. Little too late there buddy.

I had a sudden glimpse of me reaching forward and gently smoothing the frown off his face...

"I'm fine," I cleared my throat quickly, mentally slapping myself.

_It's James Potter_, I told myself furiously.

_Exactly_, said my hormones. Damn hormones.

"We should go to the Hospital Wing," he said firmly.

"What?" Sirius yelped. "But it's _lunch_. You _never_ miss lunch," he elaborated when met with blank stares.

"I do too," he countered, pouting a little. "We both do."

"When we're pulling a prank," he sulked. "Fine. You two go off and get your little _treatment_. I'll tough it out," he sniffed.

"Why wont he come?" I asked James in an undertone.

"He's afraid of Madame Pomfrey," he smirked and dodged Sirius's tickling hex.

"I am NOT!" he shouted. "Don't you dare go telling people that!"

"Sirius is scared of Pomfrey," James immediately started drawling loudly in a sing-song voice and I hid a smile behind my hand.

They could be so fun sometimes...

No! I mean... funny! In a bad way. Like haha, lets-point-and-laugh funny. Yeah. That makes perfect sense.

"Look, we don't have to go to the Hospital Wing," I cut in hastily. I could see the signs of a mild tantrum coming from Black. He was wearing the same look Petunia used to get.

"No way, Lily, we're going," James shook his head firmly. "I can't believe I didn't notice how many bruises you have!"

Actually, neither can I. I thought he stared at me at least once every ten minutes when we were occupying the same room? I made a formula and everything.

"Alright," I shrugged. "I don't much fancy looking like this the rest of the day anyway."

"Hmph," Sirius pouted. And yes, he did really say hmph, in exactly the same way my mom does. He walked, sulking, into the hall.

And all of the sudden, things were awkward.

We hadn't actually been left alone all day, besides that awful shouting match. And all I could think about was various ways for us to start snogging each other. I was just in the middle of a particularly explicit scene involving ripped off clothing when the man himself interrupted.

"We're here," he said suddenly and I gasped, nearly choking on my tounge.

"Okay," I croaked and pushed open the doors, ignoring his funny look. It was justified, after all.

We were hit by a wall of sound. At least three people were shrieking and two others were groaning loudly. Madame Pomfrey's shoes could be heard, clicking rapidly on the stone floor.

"Oh my God," I gasped, putting a hand to my mouth dramatically.

"What's happened?" James asked Pomfrey as she gathered something up from a cabinet.

"Mass Quidditch collision," she informed us crisply, without looking up and James snorted.

"They're fine - or at least they will be. Now what's happened to you two?" she frowned as she noticed our purple splotches. "As if I didn't have enough to deal with. Here," she thrust a small container at us.

"Rub it into the bruises yourself, I don't have the time," she snapped and bustled away.

"Let's go sit on one of the beds," James suggested, leading my farther away from the noise. "Stupid Slytherins," he muttered.

"If you draw the hangings shut, I can charm it quiet," I settled cross legged onto the somewhat hard bed.

Look at me! I'm being so nice. Speaking civilly to him and everything. He seemed a bit surprised, but closed the curtains without protest.

I opened the jar as he settled down, also cross legged, facing me and I started to rub the cream into my bruises. They started fading, even as I first touched the cool mixture to them. I pushed a bit too hard on my side while twisting around and winced. Apparently I had bruises under my shirt too. Bollocks...

"What's up?" James asked as I sighed. I was going to have to ask him to rub my back, that's what! I was going to have to take my shirt off ... in front of James Potter!

"Uhh..." I stalled. "Would - would you help me..." I didn't even want to ask.

"Oh, yeah, I'll do the one's on your face," he said, and I blinked. Oh well, might as well get that over with first. I inched closer to him, until our knees touched and he started rubbing my cheekbone with the cream.

What am I supposed to do with my eyes? Stare into his? Look over his shoulders? Let them glaze over as I imagined him slowly leaning forward and...

I blinked again as his fingers changed to my jaw bone.

Great, now I'm acting like a deer in headlights. _Very_ attractive. My eyes flickered to James's face. There was, for once, no trace of a smirk on his face. He looked rather intense, actually. What was he thinking?

His eyes met mine and I saw the heat in them. Oh. _That's _what he's thinking about.

He looked down and cleared his throat, giving my time to catch my breath. Which promptly left me again at his next words.

"Now will you do me?"

It took me a second to realize which words he had placed the emphasis on. Lily! Damn hormones.

"Yeah, of course." He probably thought my pause was because I was reluctant to touch him. I wish.

What happened to me, I wondered as my cream-loaded finger hovered briefly over his perfect face. Just this morning I was yelling at him. I mean, sure, it was because I was afraid he'd find out that I like him, but it still counts. And now I'm actually fantasizing about him and massaging his face, my lips a foot from his.

I rubbed along his jaw bone, taking a bit more time than necessary before moving up to his cheek bone. His skin was so soft. But in a really nice, run your lips over his cheek manly way. Hell, James could look manly in drag.

In my peripheral vision, I could see him looking longingly into my eyes and I had a huge urge to kiss him, just to make him feel better. Well not _just_ to make him feel better...

But I wont. I can't trust him, or myself. I don't know what would be harder, getting involved with him and then having to break his heart because it was only hormones or getting rejected by someone who was supposed to never stop loving you. I've had enough of that for a lifetime thank you.

God, Petunia screwed me up.

I wonder if she did it on purpose? That sounds like the kind of sick thing she would do. Not to be mean, it just really does. You don't know her like I do. She's a bitch. Enough said.

"'K, I'm done," I tore my gaze off of his eyes. "Will you help me do my back?" I asked, going for the straight-forward approach.

"Your back?" he repeated blankly.

"Yeah, I'll do my front, while you do my back," I said briskly. I turned around, took a not-so-subtle deep breath and slid my shirt off.

OH MY GOD. I'm sitting in front of James Potter in a bra...

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**A/N: Review & make me happy!! :D :D**

**(LOVE you guys!) xox**


	5. Dititigradient

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A/N: Whooo updated???  
Dedicated to Kristina, I wish she (I hope it's a she lol) had an account so that I could've replied to her!! Thank you SOO much, that was an amazing review!!! And one of the reasons that I got off my butt and wrote this :P Hope you still like this!  
This is kind of a fillerish chapter, but I still like it,.  
Poor James :D

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Chapter Five - Dititigradient

(To Walk on Your Toes Like a Cat or a Dog)

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Think of ... math! Twelve minus thirty two is ... um ... uhh ... something in the negatives ... it's ... AHH! How am I supposed to do math when Lily is willingly (yup, got to add that in) sitting in front of me with out a shirt!? Huh? Answer me that!

Oh Merlin, now I sound old. Okay James, do something with your hands, you've been sitting here for a whole minute now while Lily's been rubbing cream into her stomach.

Ughh, and she expects me to be able to _walk_ after this?

Okay, just ... move her hair out of the way. Yeah, that's good, reach out ... and sweep it over one shoulder. Ooh, that's soft... Okay, stop caressing her hair! Not that she seems to mind. Although she probably doesn't even know.

Okay, get some cream ... that's right, now rub it in to her shoulder ... oohh, that's soft too.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M RUBBING LILY EVANS'S BARE BACK WITH CREAM!

All the blood's draining out of my head. Uh, oh, don't quite like where it's going...

Math!

Twelve minus thirty two.

Uh ... um ... skin ... smooth ... bra ... lace ...

I wonder what would happen if I undid the clasp right now?

Math! Twelve. Minus. Sodding. Thirty. Two! Okay, I can do it. Um ... eighteen? No, higher than that. Twenty five? Nope, lower. Merlin. It's twenty! Well negative twenty. I can't believe it took me that long. Granted, I had other things on my mind. Like the love of my life sitting there in only a skirt and bra. Does she realize how hard this is? Is she purposely doing this to torture me? Evil, evil woman!

I leaned forward a bit to catch her amazing smell. I can't describe it though, because it's completely unique to Lily. It's so much better than the actual flower's smell. I leaned in just a bit more and her hair tickled my nose. Ahh ... heaven.

"So you're done then?"

Fuck! Mathmathmathmath! Stall for time!

"Yeah," I croaked and then quickly cleared my throat. "Will you do my back too?"

"Oh ... Okay."

Hey! I have a very nice back.

God, girls are so lucky. They can be drooling over someone and no one will know. Oh crap. She's turning around - quick, turn before she sees!

Ahh, dizzy...

"You going to take off your shirt?"

Ah. Right. That may be essential to this operation.

...D'you think she felt my whole body tense up when she touched it? You know what, I'm going to go ahead and say no...

"Hey we should bring the rest of this back for Sirius," she said suddenly and I flinched. Brilliant, James.

"Yeah, he probably isn't too thrilled with walking around with bruises on his face."

That's good, talk about Sirius. Maybe it'll be more of a buzzkill than math.

Stupid math. You have failed me.

* * *

"But what if we get caught? What if Binns realizes that we're not there and sicks McGonagall on us? What if-"

"Lily! We're Marauders! We don't get caught."

"Oh, so you two _don't_ own the record for most detentions earned by one person?"

"What? Well which one of us?"

"I don't know, look it up yourself."

"Well that's no fun..."

"Let's just go to the Room of Requirement," I injected.

"James!" Sirius whined. "You're not supposed to _tell_ people about that!"

"But it's _Lily_." Obviously I'm going to tell _Lily_. I think I like her even more, if that's possible, since that whole cream ... incident ... thingy...

MATH!

No, just kidding, hehe.

"Fine. We can play Truth or Dare," Sirius's eyes lit up.

"What?" Lily groaned. "No way, I played enough of that in Fourth Year to last me forever."

"Come on, it's a fun game!" Sirius looked a bit insulted.

"Not when you're in Seventh Year," Lily looked distinctly skeptical.

"It _so_ is."

"Great comeback, Snuffles," Lily smirked and everyone but Peter choked a bit.

"Wh-" Remus started and then shook his head.

"Why do you look so ruffled up Sirius?" Lily's eyes looked distinctly evil and I instinctively backed away. "Did Remus tell you about that dog?"

"What? Oh! Yeah," Padfoot nodded and her eyebrows rose.

"Right."

Aren't we smooth?

"So Truth or Dare?" Sirius put out there hopefully.

"Absolutely not," she shook her head briskly. By this time we'd reached the Room and Sirius started pacing in front of it, thinking of our usual place to hang out.

"What are you doing?" Lily's eyebrow rose. He did look rather stupid, I guess, when you didn't know what he was doing. "Ohh ... wow."

We all filed in and plopped down onto the couches. Me and Lily had to share one. Bliss.

"Alright, I have a proposition for you, Lily," Sirius smiled importantly. Lily raised an eyebrow.

"A proposition."

"Exactly," he nodded wisely. "A compromise, to be more exact."

"A compromise."

"We don't play Truth or Dare, per say..." he raised one eyebrow and Lily leaned away.

"Per say."

"But each of us is allowed to dare someone else _once_," Padfoot finished, smiling triumphantly.

"No."

"_Lily!_" Sirius squealed, and I shook my head. Even I couldn't rationalize that into sounding manly.

"Alright, alright, I _may_ agree," Lily frowned and I scooted farther away from her on the couch. Instincts, you know.

"But _everyone_ has to get a dare, you can't all just dare me. We can pick names out of a cauldron or something," she sighed.

"YES!" Sirius barked. Yes, barked. It was like he was still a dog, but he was attempting to speak. We all raised our eyebrows, but he didn't notice.

"Lily ... James ... Remus .... Peter..." he wrote on scraps of parchment, tonuge between his teeth. "Okay, everybody pick one!" he smiled gleefully.

Remus sighed and stuck his hand in, grabbing whatever was closest to the top. Then Sirius closed his eyes and felt around in the cauldron, mixing the names around. Peter quickly snatched one up, eyes darting around. Lily gave a long-suffering moan and plucked hers out. I pouted, manly, because there was only one left, but I tried to grab it with the most style I possessed.

"You look like a poof when you do stuff like that," Lily commented absently, unfolding her paper. I started to pout, but then quickly sucked my lip back in when I realized that might fall under the category of 'stuff like that.'

"I have Peter," Remus sighed, eyes searching futilely for a book.

"I have Remus," Peter squealed delightedly. Our eyebrows lifted a fraction.

"I have ... Sirius," Lily smirked and Padfoot's eyes widened dramatically.

"I have ... Lily!" Sirius punched the air and I frowned.

"But that means that I have _me_," I looked forlornly at my name. "That _sucks._"

"I know, you do," Lily smirked and I threw my paper at her.

"I dare you to wear your underwear outside of your clothes for a day," Remus shrugged and Peter frowned.

"Well then I dare you to not open a book for a week."

"WHAT?"

"It's only a _boo-_"

"Don't you even FINISH that sentence Peter Pettigrew!" Remus roared.

"Remus."

"A _week_!?"

"Remus."

"For you, I only said a _day_!"

"Remus!"

"I can't _believe_ you!"

"REMUS, for God's _sake_!"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" he screamed, and lunged, in true werewolf style. Peter screamed, (like a little girl, might I add) and shot out of the room.

We all sat there for a second, listening to the various echoes fade.

"Is he actually going to kill him?"

"He'll probably attempt to..." Sirius shrugged.

"But he'll be okay," I reassured. "Peter's much better at escaping than he looks."

"Mmm..." Lily nodded, like this made sense. "I dare you to write a love poem to Madam Pince, our Librarian, that's at least eight lines long and rhymes. Then read it out at a dinner, no less than a week from now, when and where everyone in the hall can hear you. Did I cover everything?" she frowned, her forehead wrinkling in the most adorable way. "I think so..."

"That's a pretty good dare Lily," Padfoot said, impressed.

"I told you that I had a lot of practice," she shrugged. "In _fifth_ year."

"I dare myself to..." I sighed and searched my brain. "Draw a L on at least ten people's faces by tomorrow night."

"That's not really a dare," Lily scoffed.

"Well then _you_ pick me next time."

"It wasn't like I had a choice."

"I would've picked your name if Snuffles hadn't already gotten it."

"Alright, we are definitely _not_ making that my new nickname."

"Well obviously, if Snuffles hadn't gotten me, he would've gotten you, and then you would've _had_ to pick me. It's nothing to do with _choice._"

"'K guys, the name is Sirius or Padfoot, anything but Snuffles."

"Even if I was the first one picking, I still would've picked yours!"

"Oh come on, even Snuffles won't agree with that."

"I will if you call me that."

"He will so! Won't you, Snuffles."

"I hate you."

"I love you."

"Are you talking to me, or Lily?"

"...Both?"

"Dude."

"Will you just dare me already?"

"I dare you to kiss James."

"WHAT?"

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**A/N: Thanks SO much to everyone who reviewed, I LOVE it, everything. I hope you think this chapter measures up to the others :D**


	6. Paramene

**A/N: Dedicated to … who else … EMMA! Or Emma;) as she sometimes types =)  
****You are my alarm clock. But a really nice one.**

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Chapter Six - Paramene

(V_ery_ pleasant)

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"I dare you to kiss James."

"WHAT?" Lily and I said at the same time. Our expressions were a little different though.

"You can't just _dare_ somebody that!" she yelped.

"Why not?" Padfoot smirked.

My mouth hung open.

"Oh and not some of this on-the-cheek crap, you have to snog him properly."

"Mmhhhung..."

"For at least four Snicklemeisters."

"Gaauuughh..."

"And I'll watch to make sure you actually do it."

"No." Lily snapped out of her horror-struck trance abruptly and I quickly closed my mouth in case she was about to punch me. Wouldn't be the first time.

"It's really the only way to -"

"No."

Even Sirius could see that she wouldn't budge on that, so he switched tactics.

"Interesting that you're really only complaining about me watching," he waggled his eyebrows.

Was that a _blush_ on Lily's cheeks? Surely not.

"I've gone into shock about the rest."

Her voice did sound rather faint.

There was a pause. Everybody just kind of looked off into space. _Awk_ward.

"So are you going to do it?" Sirius asked impatiently.

"Whaa?" Lily turned to him in a daze.

"Are you. Going to. Snog. James. Potter?" Padfoot rolled his eyes.

"Well ... what if I said no?" Lily asked hopefully.

I was feeling a tad awkward, you know?

"Then I won't write the love letter to Mrs. Pince," Sirius shrugged. "_And_ I'll do all that I can to make your whole tied-to-James experience utter crap. No biggy."

"Bollocks," she muttered.

Yup, definitely a tad awkward.

"Four Snicklemeisters. I'll turn around and count if it makes you feel better," he smirked.

"Look, Lily," I injected uncomfortably, "You ... you don't have to..."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yes, you do."

"No," I shook my head. Merlin! I am officially insane. "You don't _have_ to. Sirius won't-"

"Will too."

"No he won't," I said more forcefully. "He can pick a different - mphhf!"

And suddenly my air supply was cut off by something warm pressing forcefully against my lips. My eyes were still open. I saw red hair and white skin. I didn't bother waiting for it to sink in. By that time the kiss would be long gone.

I wrapped my arms around her back, my skin burning where it touched hers, and leaned in

"One Snickelmeister..."

I felt all conscious thought leave my brain in a faintly audible _whoosh_. Lily wound her arms around my neck and I was sure that if my eyes were still open I wouldn't be able to see.

"Two Snickelmeisters..."

Our mouths fit together _perfectly_. She ran her fingers through my hair and my scalp prickled wherever she touched. My lips were burning in such an amazing way. I had to taste her.

I gently ran my tongue over her lips, not expecting them to open. And then they did.

"Three Snickelmeisters!"

I didn't hear Sirius stop counting, my mind was just a haze of Lily. Our tongues were dancing together and she tasted so _good_. It was indescribable, better than any little-wrapped-sweet that anyone could ever think of. It sent little burning waves rippling through me. Again.

"Guys?"

I suddenly found my lips feeling rather colder than they had before and no weight in my arms. I opened my eyes to vaguely see Lily moving quickly to the other end of the couch.

I cleared my throat.

Sirius looked in between us, his eyes bugging out a little bit.

Silence.

Crickets chirped.

Lily straightened her slightly mussed hair.

My eyes drifted up to the ceiling.

BANG, the door swung open too far, bouncing off the wall.

"I _hate_ that little rat," Remus groused, coming to sit angrily in an armchair. "No books for a _week_. And on top of that, he just sneaks off under a door to a locked classroom so I couldn't even hex him for it! I swear, if he comes up to our dorm tonight... What's up with you guys?"

Remus shot a look at Lily, probably realizing that he shouldn't have said the 'under a door' comment. Not that it mattered - she was absently twirling a lock of hair around her finger running her tongue over her lips. I resisted the urge to do the same. They were tingling.

"Nothing," I said quickly as Sirius opened his mouth, looking as though Christmas had come early.

"What- what the hell happened?" Remus looked around at us.

"I ... uhh ... _may_ have dared Lily to snog James..." Sirius looked at Remus, who just stared back.

"Has-" he looked at us on the couch. "Has she _done it_?"

"Yup," he nodded.

"You're kidding. And I _missed it_!?" his mouth fell open.

Lily looked at me pointedly and desperately. I nodded my head toward the door a bit with a questioning look.

"Okay. Tell me. _Everything._ Right now."

She nodded frantically

"Okay so-!"

I grabbed her hand and we snuck off to the door, slipping out under the cover of shocked gasps and excited squealing. _Manly_ squealing.

We started walking somewhere, I don't know where, and Lily turned to me.

She's so gorgeous. I can't even believe it. And her lips are so soft. Like satin, or silk. Merlin, I wish I was running my hands through her hair again…

"Potter are you listening to me?"

"What?" I start, and automatically step back. Lily's in Danger Mode. I recognise the signs. The hands on the hips, the tossed hair, the furrowed brow. All are indicative of impending doom.

"I _said_ that this doesn't mean anything, alright? It was a dare. I just want to make sure that you realize that."

Her voice has this amazing bell-like quality to it. I bet she'd be a great singer. Everybody would love her. Oh, but then she'd have groupies. Male groupies. Right, she's not singing, ever.

"_Alright_?"

Uh oh. She's gone into Increased Danger Mode.

"Mmm," I murmured vaguely, hoping this was the right thing to do.

"Okay…" she looked at me suspiciously. "Let's go study."

"What!? _Study_? Are you _kidding_ me?"

"Oh suck it up."

"Lily I'm _begging_ you, _please_ don't make me go to …"

"To…?"

"The … _library_!"

"Potter!"

"Madam _Pince_ is in the library!"

"Madam Pince is a very … she's … oh suck it up!"

"And there's _books_!"

"I realize that."

"Piles and piles of _books_!"

"You don't say."

"And you have to be _quiet_!"

"I know. I can't wait."

"Lily, you have to _whisper_!"

"Would you stop speaking in bloody _italics_!?"

"But _Lily_!"

The last thing I remember is a wand in my face and an angry glint in bright green eyes.

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**A/N: Review? I know there's another chapter after this, but you could put in your favorite line? A few 'hahaha's? An 'omfg I hate it'? Well no, don't do the last please =)**


	7. Sandapile

**A/N: Dedicated to Jenny! You make me blush :)**

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Chapter Seven – Sandapile

(a coffin)

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And then it was morning.

"Lily?" I blinked.

"Wake up!" she trilled, putting on her robes.

"What time is it?" I fumbled around for my watch.

"Eight thirty," she shrugged. "Ish."

"AM? What … what happened?"

"Oh um…" she paused, looking vaguely guilty. "You passed out."

"I passed out? Why?" I felt around on my head for bruises.

"Well I might have Stunned you first…?" she peeked through her bangs at me.

"What?" I could only stare.

"Well I had to do my homework, and you were whining too loudly for me to think!" She tossed me my pants.

"You – wait, did you undress me?" It was too much for so early in the morning.

She froze.

"With a spell!" she blurted out and tossed my shirt, robes and tie at me. They landed on my head.

"Oh. Okay?"

I started dressing when a thought hit me.

"What did you do with me!?"

"What?" she asked innocently, turning bright red.

"After you Stunned me … what, did you drag me around?"

"Oh," she sighed. Relived? Huh? "No, don't be ridiculous."

Me? I'm the ridiculous one?

"I just put you on a stretcher and used the connection to tow you around."

Oh yeah, _I'm_ the ridiculous one.

"Right," I scrubbed my eyes.

Yup. Definitely too much for so early.

* * *

"Look, just don't be all Charmsy, and you'll be fine."

"That's _it_? I give you an entire Charms speech and you give me, 'don't be all Charmsy'? Really?"

"Well … you already said it all! Just think … ridged. No, that's not right. Think … disciplined? No, that can't be it, I'm not disciplined…"

"You have to want everything 'bout the spell," I interrupted. "You have to want to do the incantation as much as you want the results. And you have to be very determined. And you have to _know_ that it'll work, not just hope."

They stared at me.

"Or so they say…" I trailed off and looked at the ceiling.

"Wow," Lily said in a rather strange tone. Was that … appreciative? Surely not.

"Mate, you sound like a poof, just to let you know," Sirius laughed.

"He does not," Lily turned to face him.

We stared at her.

"Or … you know … yes he does," she blushed and found my ink splotch on the ceiling.

"You're such a girl," Sirius shook his head at her.

We stared at him.

"Oh look, is that ink?" he pointed up.

"You are all utterly insane," Remus stated unfeelingly.

We ignored him. He's just sore because so far every single one of his teachers has asked him if he would like to go to the hospital wing. He's not opening the books, see. So we have to open them for him. Which can get a tad annoying. Especially when we're not in his class.

"Right, just try and transfigure your bunny into slippers, will you?" Sirius shook his head.

"Vicissitudo," Lily said, frowning intently at her bunny. It's hair lengthened until it touched the floor.

"Do you ever think we're violating some sort of animal cruelty laws here?" I asked, idly running my hand through the soft fur-turned-hair.

"Hey, at least she hasn't pulled a Peter," Sirius shrugged, nodding behind him.

"Holy…" I blanched.

"Is that … a living slipper?" Lily asked, mouth parted in horror. Only yesterday those lips were parted for me…

"Um…" Peter tried. "No?"

"It is, it's a _living_ _slipper_! Oh, that poor bunny!"

The bunny … slipper … thing … in question opened it's eyes. We gasped.

"Oh that's just wrong."

"Well _that_ is definitely violating some sort of animal cruelty law," I nodded.

"I don't think they'd bother having a law against turning bunnies into slippers, do you?" Sirius turned to me. "'Cause if they do, and they still have that stupid no-broomsticks-for-first-years rule… That almost killed me!"

"If you'd actually _had_ a broomstick, the results would have been a lot worse," Lily said and Sirius made puppy eyes at her.

"Lily," he said mournfully.

She shrugged. We gasped.

"What?" she turned to me, looking alarmed.

"You…" I couldn't go on.

"You resisted the _charm_," Peter whispered. Even Remus had been snapped out of his … whatever was going on with him. Book deprivation haze?

"Charm?" Lily's' hand inched toward her wand.

"Sirius's _charm_," I said, awestruck. "Not one girl has ever resisted the _charm_."

"Well I'm good with charms," she said dismissively.

"She doesn't understand the immensity of it," Remus stage-whispered to a horrified Sirius.

"I can't believe it," Padfoot shook his head. "I'm ruined."

"Here," Peter said comfortingly. "Pat the bunny. Slipper. Thing."

"Thanks," he mumbled, running his fingers through its hair.

"Okay, I seem to be missing something," Lily looked to me, one eyebrow raised.

"Sirius can get anything he wants with the _charm_," I explained, ignoring the shut-up and what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing looks from my friends. "From anybody. Even teachers. Well except Dumbledore, but let's face it, that would be creepy. And then you just come along and blow the _charm_ right out of existence." I waited, expecting some sort of lecture.

"Hmm," she said instead. We stared at her, but she was too busy thinking to look at the ceiling. "And this '_charm_,'" she air-quoted, "is always referred to in italics?"

"Uh. Yes?" I said, staring at her harder. She still didn't look up. Damn! First she resists the _charm_, and now she's resisting the Pull of the Ceiling? Good God, is she Dragonma– uhh Dragonwoman?

"I … I don't even know what to say back to that," she shook her head. "Oh God, my marks are going to suffer so much from hanging out with you. Where's Alice when you need her?"

"Pff," I waved a hand. "Alice is as insane as us. Everybody knows that. She was responsible for the Great Sockscapade of '74."

"That was three years ago," Lily protested. "She's perfectly sane now."

"Last month she chained herself to the Front Doors to protest prejudice against Thestrals," I said pointedly.

"True," she sighed. "But she's a girl. It's different."

"How is it different?" I scoffed.

"It just is," she shrugged. "And I _know_ her. I know that when she's saying 'your hair is the precise shade of a peeled carrot seeped in tomato juice for thirty seven minutes' she _really_ means 'your hair is looking especially lovely today, Lily.'"

"Are you completely sure about that?" I said after a moment of disbelief-induced head shaking.

"Well," she shrugged, "fairly. Or somewhat, at least."

"Oh. My. Grapesicle." Sirius clapped his hands to his cheeks. The cheeks on his face. With Sirius, you always gotta clarify that.

"Could it be?" Remus said incredulously.

"Lily Evans…"

"And James Potter…"

They turned to each other.

"_Having a polite conversation_?"

"No!" Remus shook his head dramatically.

"Never!" Sirius shielded his eyes.

"Flobberworms would fly before something as drastic as _that_ were to happen," Remus said, waving his arms erratically.

"Nifflers would mellow out!" Sirius chimed in.

"The sun would set in the East!"

"Broomsticks would be for sweeping!"

"The grass would grow purple!"

"Hagrid would be considered small!"

"You do realize that all those things are possible," Lily finally snapped. "Well except the sun thing."

They just laughed.

"OH MY…!"

We all quickly shut our mouths.

"WHO is responsible for this … this _abomination_ of Transfiguration?" McGonagall clutched at her heart.

We all looked at the ceiling.

"How _did_ anyone get ink all the way up there?"

"I have no idea."

"That was you, Padfoot."

"Good God, Snuffles."

"Shut _up_ with that name!"

"How did he do it?"

"You _really_ don't want to know. It would give you nightmares."

"Merlin knows it gave them to me."

"Me too."

"Me three."

"Oh suck it up! Pussys."

"_Snuffles_."

"Shut _up_!"

"PETER PETTIGREW!"

"Crap."

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**A/N: WAIT!!! Don't hit that button just yet!! Review!!**

**Myyy favorite line was: …?**


	8. Sansculotte

**A/N: This is in Lily's POV again. But nothing else will be, unless I specifically say it will. Otherwise, it's all James.  
Dedicated to LilyHeartsMarauders, for reviewing every chapter!!**

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Chapter Eight – Sansculotte

(a revolutionary [no matter _what_ the cause] who has extreme views)

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**THE GREAT SOCKSCAPADE OF '74**

**– FOURTH YEAR –**

**LILY EVANS**

**SATERDAY**

**15:00 HOURS**

* * *

"Lily. Liiily. Lily! _Lily_!" Alice exclaimed, snatching the book from my hands.

"What?" I groaned, reaching weakly to snatch it back but she hid it behind a cushion. "Don't you dare loose my page."

"Yeah, whatever," she rolled her eyes.

"And don't-" I started, but she cut me off.

"Dog-ear the page, I _know_." She grabbed my second favorite bookmark off my covers and placed it gently in the book, exaggerating the motions. "Happy?"

"I'd be happier if you gave me back my book," I said mournfully, staring at the beautiful cover.

"Lily, I'm bored," she said to me, as if it was of the utmost importance. "And you're boring."

Now, you might think that I would get upset at such a statement. Hah! Not me. Because _I_ know that what Alice _really_ means is, Lily, I'm horribly deprived of entertainment, and while I appreciate that you're in the middle of an incredible book at the moment, I would absolutely love it if you amused me in some way.

It's obvious, really.

"Alright," I sighed, sitting up. "What do you want to do?"

Asking Alice that is always a scary question. I don't even want to remember most of her answers to that question.

"Well," she said, smiling coyly. "It's less of a matter of _what_ as _who_, if you know what I mean."

"What?" I asked, blinking.

"I want Frank Longbottom, Lily," she sighed, tossing her hair over her shoulders.

Alice is insane. There's no other word for her. I think every other person that knows her would classify her with the same word. Or maybe an extension of it. Mad, loony, crazy, that sort of thing. But she's got an amazing personality, so nobody really faults her for it.

And she's gorgeous. She's got this dark, shimmering, soft, _thick_, black hair that I would probably kill to have. It frames her face with bangs that are cut really long on the sides and looks amazing down, in a ponytail, in pigtails, in a bun… You get the idea.

And she looks so comfortable with herself. You know how teenagers go through that awful awkward stage? Where all their limbs seem too long or too short or an odd mixture of both? Not Alice. Or at least it didn't seem like it. I should ask her about that.

"You want Frank Longbottom," I echoed. "Right. Any plans?" There was no question of whether she would actually _get_ him or not. It was Alice. Of course she would.

"I haven't quite figured that part out yet," she frowned. "I have to find some way to talk to him, but I don't really have a reason, you know? And I don't want to come across as all clingy and eager."

"Right," I nodded wisely, pretending to understand what that meant. "A reason to talk to him. I've got nothing," my nods turned into shakes.

"Maybe … maybe you can sit down next to somebody else in one of our classes and then I can go sit next to him?" she played with a strand of perfection. Her hair, I mean.

"Yeah, sure," I shrugged. "But we'll have to time it so that he's not sitting with anybody, and there's a free seat next to somebody else I know, and that there's enough filled seats elsewhere that it seems like an accident…"

"Yeah. Maybe that can be plan B," she made a face.

"Alice?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you give me my book back?"

"No."

I sigh.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever feel really bad for your socks?"

See? Proof, _proof_ I tell you, that she's certifiably insane.

"You know, I can't say that I have," I say thoughtfully. "Why would anyone bother?"

"Because they're just stuck on our feet, just _all_ the time, getting smelly. And then when we finally take them off, they go right into the wash to get mauled around with water and soap. And _then_ they just sit in our closet for days and days, never getting to see the beautiful sunshine."

"Well … yeah, but-"

"Nobody ever thinks about them. They're just _socks_. They're disposable. And we just loose them, all the time! Do you know how many socks I've lost? Or, maybe worse, we throw them away when they get the tiniest hole, like they're _garbage_."

"Alice-"

"And do we ever thank them? Nooo," she dragged the sound out. "Because of _course_ we can't be seen talking to a _sock_."

"ButAlicethey'renotalive!" I managed to slip in as she was drawing a breath.

She looked at me.

"And what does that have to do with anything?"

Oh. Of _course_. I should have realized.

"I've been just as bad as anyone else, Lily," she said sadly, looking at her sock drawer. "This ends now."

She marched over, threw open the drawer, and proceeded to take out each sock at a time, hold them lovingly for a moment, and then place them with their pairs on her bed. I just watched, biding my time. If I made a dive for the book _now_, she'd surely notice. I just had to be sneaky about it.

"Don't worry … 'bout a thing," she sang. "Every little thing … is gonna be alright … s'gonna be alright…"

I love Alice. She's so entertaining. I mean it's not like Hogwarts has T.V.

"Oh good Lord," she said in a stricken voice.

"What?"

"One of them is missing! One of my socks lost their partner, this is _horrible_!" she cried.

"Well maybe it's still here somewhere, lets search around," I said comfortingly.

"Yeah, good idea. That _bitch_ Melanie probably took it," she marched over to Mel's drawer and threw it open, throwing bits of lace underwear and stockings all over.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, running around to gather up all the … g-strings … ew. "What if she comes back?"

"Then I'll tell her what a stupid, sock divorcer she is!" she exclaimed, still rooting around in the drawer.

"Oh that'll go over well," I muttered. "Melanie Brisworth. Sock divorcer."

"Look!" she yelled triumphantly. "It's here, it's here! I _knew_ it!" Alice tenderly picked up the sock and lay it down it next to it's other half.

"Oh good," I said weakly.

"Oh it's so sweet," she sniffed. "A little sock reunion." The socks in question started twining around each other and I gasped.

"Alice, did you Transfigure them?" my eyes bugged out.

"No, they're just really happy to see each other," she said tearfully, not looking the least bit shaken.

"But they're _moving_," I said, blinking hard. Nope, still there.

"Well of course they are," she said, now staring at me like _I_ was the odd one. "If you were reunited with your husband, your one true love, after who even _knows_ how long, you wouldn't just stand there looking, would you?"

"But Alice," I said slowly. "They're _socks_." I don't think anything could have summed it up better than that.

"Yes, Lily," Alice rolled her eyes. "Socks."

Well that came close. But mine was still better.

"Okay, you are _obviously_ not getting the fact that socks are inanimate objects that cannot move, see, feel or get married so I'm just going to ... go downstairs," I made a grab for the book, "and finish _Chilling Your Charms_. You have fun."

I made my way down the staircase feeling rather proud of myself. It wasn't every day that one got a stolen book back from Alice. My mood was rather dampened, however, by seeing my _favorite_ person sitting in my _favorite_ chair. Potter.

I ignored him and went to sit on the floor, right in front of the fire itself. Not once in _Hogwarts: A History_ does it mention how bloody _cold_ a huge castle can get. No warning? No 'bring a heavy winter jacket to wear over those thin little robes'?"

-_if the subject can undo or counter the charm, you will be able to-_

"Hey, Lily."

-_mix the freezing charm in with the charm you were attempting-_

"Evans!"

-_to use. It will not immobilize them completely, or even partially,-_

"Oh come on, you know you want to look up."

-_but will make the subject heavy limbed and unable to respond-_

"Please?"

-_as quickly as normal. Skilled or powerful wizard and witches-_

"Liiily…"

-_can break the charm, for it only effects their minds, not bodies-_

"_Please_ look up?"

"Potter!" I wailed, finally raising my head. "I had to _work_ to be able to read this book. Do you know how hard it is to reclaim something from Alice once she's taken it from you?"

"I do," Sirius chimed in and I groaned. "She took Sarah O'Rielly from me. But I didn't really want her back after that, it was more fun to watch them make out in the halls."

"Why does it not surprise me that you'd think that," I sighed.

"Why'd she take a _book_ from you?" Remus asked, frowning. He sympathized.

"More importantly, how'd you get it back?" James said eagerly, looking at my face like it was … I don't know, something shiny? Who knows what goes on in that mind. Who would _want_ to?

"She's a bit busy talking to her socks," I shrugged. "I took advantage of the situation really, it wasn't that clever."

"She's talking to her socks?" Remus repeated, one eyebrow raised in that perfect way that makes me hate him a little bit.

"Oh you should _never_ talk to your socks," Sirius shook his head. "It puts ideas in their heads. They're like House Elves, only a lot less loyal."

"My mom started talking to her socks once," James nodded. "She woke up the next morning and they'd all disappeared. We still don't know how they snuck by Mortimer. My cat," he added to me.

"Oh…" I said, somewhat blankly. I mean, I accepted the idea of magic and everything, but intelligent socks? That's pushing it.

We all turned to the staircase at the sound of a horn. _Burrup, buroop_! It sounded again.

"Yeeah!" we heard Alice shout. "Hop! HOP!"

Before I knew it, I found myself in the corner of the room, squished into an alcove with all the Marauders.

"Ouch," somebody hissed. "That was my foot."

"Well it's a lot less cramped when we only have _four_ people in here," Sirius looked at James. Who had his hand around my waist. Well that just would not do. Unfortunately, it really was very squishy.

"What the hell are we doing?" I settled on whispering.

Nobody answered as we all heard a steady pitter-patter echoing all around us. Then Alice came flying down the stairs, thumping loudly.

"I've got it open!" she yelled, reaching for the Portrait Hole.

"Oh dear Lord," Sirius breathed.

The students in the common room started looking around frantically as the pitter-patter increased in volume and speed.

"Let's go, let's go!" she yelled again, opening the entrance and standing to the side.

"It's a revolution," Sirius whispered with awed fear.

"It's a … it's a _sockscapade_," Potter breathed, his mouth right by my ear. Well that wouldn't do either. Damn alcove!

"Oh my God," I gasped.

Socks. Everywhere. They burst from both the staircases in waves, hopping madly. Gryffindors were screaming and one extremely small first year actually got engulfed. All I could see was one reaching hand.

I made a small noise of distress and James' hand tightened around my waist. I did everything I could to forget that it was _his_ hand, and just accept it. It was surprisingly easy, what with the sockscapade.

"HOP, _HOP_!" Alice screamed again, trying to herd some stray ones into the mainstream. "I'll meet you at the Front Doors!"

We stood there, watching, letting our mouths flap in the slight breeze created by the stampede, until the socks had gone. It didn't take very long. The first year emerged, unhurt but covered in lint. The pitter-patter faded, and Alice jumped out of the Portrait Hole, presumably to go open the Front Doors.

"Did that actually just happen?" I whispered. Nobody answered.

I spotted two little pale blue socks, hopping at the closed Portrait Hole and wriggled out of James' grasp and the alcove.

"It's okay," I cooed, picking them up. They stopped hopping, but remained upright. "I'll take you to the others."

"Evans!" Sirius exploded from the alcove. "Oh thank God, that was getting really uncomfortable," he sighed. "But you can't just steal somebody's socks! What if they're mine?"

"I doubt they'd fit, Black," I raised my (two, damnit) eyebrows at him. The socks _might_ have fit the tiny, unfortunate first year. "And I'm not going to leave them here to be the only socks without a taste of freedom. Besides, they might start another rebellion once we get new ones."

"True," he shrugged.

"Now if you'll excuse me," I sniffed and the pale blue socks hopped excitedly up and down, "I have some socks to free."

* * *

**A/N: Do you like the flashback? It was rather unexpected, even to me, but I think I might do one or two more. Yes? No? Maybe so?**


	9. Mournival

**A/N: Dedicated to multiple people!!  
****Your Yellow Flower for the death threats :P  
****Emma, because I couldn't just dedicate _one_ chapter to her, after all those reviews!!  
****Kristina (again), because … I don't even know, there's something about your reviews that I like ;)**

**Aaand YOU! Yes, you there, looking at the computer screen! Because I just _know_ (=D) that you're going to review and make me happy and I'll smile widely and hug myself (as long as there's definitely no one else in the room) and I appreciate it!**

**As indicated in the previous chapter (don't I sound fancy!) this IS in James' POV again. I will always tell you if it's Lily, and if not then it's James. Because let's face it. Who _doesn't_ love him? And if you don't, stop reading this story, man!! =) (P.S. you're insane)**

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Chapter Nine – Mournival

(a term used to represent a set of four kings, queens, jacks or aces in one card hand, or just any set of four things or _people_)

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There's something insanely therapeutic about detention.

Maybe it's because it's such a constant thing in my life. Everything else changes, for example I now have one Lily Evans magically stuck to me, but detention is always there. These trophies are going to get depressingly dusty once we've graduated.

Graduated. That's only at the end of this year. Which is … well, scary. Especially because Lily and I aren't a couple yet! Although we do spend every second of the day together. Maybe that counts for something.

I think I'm going to describe the situation. Because although scrubbing is therapeutic it's still boring, and a right bitch on the arms.

A wide, tall-ceilinged room. Airy. Fairy. Covered in gleaming gold, silver, bronze and just about every other metal you could imagine. Including tin. Which would suck majorly; imagine being given a award made of _tin_. Maybe it was valuable in 1784.

To my left: a tall, broad young man with distinctly aristocratic features that are currently being screwed up in disgust by the smell of the foul polish we are being made to use. Said young man is also humming some sort of love ballad … written by the Weird Sisters. Perchance it to be called _Love is a Hairy Bitch_. How romantic.

A short, squat youth, fair of hair and dark of sweat. With sweat? Whatever, he's sweating. Watery blue eyes alternately glazed over with a been-here-done-this type of look and opened as wide as will be allowed with abject terror. The reason for this terror? Oh wait patiently, my friend. We will get there. We will get there.

To my right: two book-bearing maidens. Alright, one book-bearing maiden and one book-bearing … bloke. The bloke is reading _Transfiguration Today_ while the maiden is reading _Chilling Your Charms_. Both are by authors with unpronounceable names, yet I have no doubt that if I asked, both the maiden and the bloke would say them in heartbeat, having already memorized the phonetic spelling. I feel for them.

The bloke. Tall. Pale. Brown of hair and peaky of expression. Ugh, that sentence structure is just not working out for me. He's looking slightly peaky. Whatever.

A distinctly wolfy gleam to his smoothly moving eyes, if you know what to look for. Kind, almost erethrally amber eyes, which makes me wonder why more people don't know about his furry little secret. And realize why he has a hard time looking people in the eyes.

The maiden. Tall. Pale. Red of hair and green of eyes. YES! Finally. Whew. The fair maiden is wearing unusually little makeup, I notice, feeling like a poof, but it is not even _somewhat_ needed.

Full, red lips, perfect little nose, long, _long_ lashes and brilliantly green eyes. These eyes being the reason for our youth's aforementioned abject terror. They are alternately sweeping along the sentences of her book and glaring in unrestrained hatred at our youth. Better him than me.

Wow, all this flowery language really takes it out of a person! But, on the bright side, I've now finished seven more trophies. And only have half an hour left. Kill me.

"Wow, detention really sucks," Lily muttered, leaning back against the wall and shifting around, trying to get comfortable.

"You don't even have detention," Sirius pouted through his twisted up face. _Scary_ thing to witness, let me tell you.

"Well I may not have to work, but this stupid marble floor is freezing my ass," she grumbled, shooting yet another heating spell at it. The floor, I mean. I'd be drooling more if she were spelling her butt.

"Just be thankful you don't have to work, my elbow's killing me," he grumbled back. "You two are so lucky."

"Oh yes, _lucky_," she hissed. Oh Sirius. Will you never learn? "I'm _lucky_ to be tied to Potter and dragged to a detention I have nothing to do with just because you four have the worst reputations out of anybody in the school with the teachers. Well you three, I suppose," she glanced at Remus apologetically. Unfair.

Remus and Lily had only just gotten out of detention because of their superb suck-up skills. They really were quite amazing. There were _we were just about to call you over, professor_'s and _we were trying to help them ourselves, ma'am_'s and it was such a bloody good performance that I wondered how many times they'd done that before. And then promptly stopped, as I got insanely jealous.

But McGonagall was _furious_! It was truly scary. Flared nostrils, burning eyes, popping veins, wisps of hair escaping from her bun… I nearly screamed.

Lily only realized halfway through her gloating that she had to go wherever I went, and then started to shoot steam out of her ears. Literally. We had to stop by the Hospital Wing for a pepper-up potion because Lily couldn't stop sneezing.

"There's only about twenty minutes left," I said soothingly and got the Bear Glare turned onto me.

"Shut up, Potter," she bit out. "I'm trying not to be _too_ mad at you."

"It's not good for you to harbor so much anger, Lily," Sirius shook his head sadly.

"That's why I'm trying to let go of it, _Snuffles_," she said through clenched teeth.

"By hitting below the belt?" he muttered, scowling.

Lily slid down the wall until she was lying full out on the floor, her hair splayed around her head, and sighed. I gulped and turned away. As if it wasn't hard enough sharing a room with her. I was almost dreading tonight.

Fifteen minutes left. Fourteen. Thirteen and a half. Thirteen. Twelve. Ten. Nine and a half. Nine. Eight and a half. Eight. Seven and a half. Seven. Six. Five and a half.

_Wow_, this is boring.

Three. Two and a half. Two. One and a half. One and a quarter. One. Fifty seconds. Forty. Thirty. Twenty four.

"Eleven," I started, staring at my watch. "Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, ONE!"

We all stared at the door. And stared. And stared.

Hmm. Well doesn't it _suck_ when Filch is late.

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**A/N: Okay, NOW you _have_ to review. Because I did just add on four chapters, which I think is pretty impressive.**

**I probably won't be updating for another 6-10 days, by the way, sorry.**

**Oh, and I did post the information of why I hadn't updated on my profile (Emma!) but nooobody thought to look there! Well I don't think so, anyway. Emma certainly didn't!! =D**


	10. Volpone

**A/N: Part two soon to follow, (in Lily's POV).  
Omigod. Dedications?? :S  
Everbody was so amazing!!! :O I have over 100 reviews for this story!! Ooh, actually I have 111 at the moment, which is almost my favorite number (just add another 1 onto there) And I've finally learnt how to spell the title! Look - Floccinaucinihilipilification - !! I didn't copy that or anything :)  
Dedicated to: Shubbimama, who gave _awesome_ reviews!**

**You guys seem to like the Snicklemiesters, huh? :P  
(P.S. What are they? Why would _I_ know? I only invented it ... pshh.)  
**

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Chapter Ten – Volpone

(a cunning schemer)

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The Pranking of One Lucius Abraxis Malfoy  
...Part One...

* * *

"Fancy a cup of tea, Lily?" Remus asked graciously, already pouring one for Sirius and me.

Peter was waiting for us in the Gryffindor common room – Lily still hadn't quite gotten over her wrath. As Peter learned when she randomly picked up a copy of the Daily Prophet and started systematically whacking each of his limbs. Apparently the fair maiden packs quite a punch. Or newspaper-whack. Whatever.

In the end, we settled on plain old Dreamless Sleep. Well, okay, Remus rolled his eyes, smacked our heads, and shoved Moste Potente Potions in our faces. He does have his uses, that man. Boy. Bloke.

"Oh, thanks Remus," Lily smiled. "I'd love one."

Ah, she's so innocent. Taking food from a Marauder. You'd think she'd have learned by now. Did the Room-Redecorating of '75 mean nothing to her?

"Cream? Sugar?" Remus fiddled with the teapot.

"Cream, please," she answered absently and we all barely held back a smirk. Perfect.

"Here you are," he handed it to her, and sunk back in his armchair.

"Thanks. Where did you get all this, anyways?" she gestured to the elaborate tea set in our Head's common room.

The House-Elves really went all out. There was gold and brass and other metals that I wasn't familiar enough with to name. God, I hope there's no tin. That is just so not _on_.

"Out of the Kitchens, of course," Sirius waved a hand, staring at her avidly.

The teacup went up … up … and … she blew on it. Damn.

"Oh, right," she murmured vaguely.

The teacup was raised up again … higher … higher … and … she blew. Does she like her tea _cold_!?

"Wait, did you say the kitchens?" The teacup was lowered.

Don't stop! Not _now_!

"No!" Remus blurted out frantically.

"Yes, actually," I interrupted. My eyes were glued to the teacup but I could feel the rest of the Marauders staring at me, like obvious idiots. "But it's not against the rules, you know. Only when you go down at night. Anyone can visit the kitchens."

"Oh can they?" she asked, and the teacup was raised up a touch.

Score!

"Oh yes," I invented wildly. Did she honestly think I knew what was against the rules or not? _Like_ it matters. "In fact I saw … er … Professor Slughorn down there too."

"Oh really?" She lowered the teacup to lean forward with interest.

Well that backfired.

"Uhh yeah," I nodded and took an exaggerated sip of my own tea to make Lily remember hers. Lily, of course, was absolutely clueless to my not-so-subtle hints.

"I suppose it does make sense. He is a rather _large_ man," she said, looking around guiltily, as though Sluggy himself was about to come sliming down from the ceiling. Ew.

"He probably came down for some tea," I said desperately, waving my own cup around.

A large splash came flying out and I breathed a sigh of relief as it just barely missed a portion of my anatomy that I would severely hate to see burned. Or harmed in any way really – knock on wood.

"Maybe," she shrugged and Sirius rolled his eyes impatiently.

"You should try some, you know, it's really good." I rubbed my tummy for effect.

"What?" she frowned.

"The tea?" I waved my cup again, less erratically this time.

"Oh," she glanced at it. "Yes."

Good Merlin, I swear, if I didn't love her…

Excuse me, what?

That did not just come out of my mouth. Well no, of course it didn't, unless I've developed the horribly cliched act of randomly muttering my most secret thoughts. Which I do not, in fact, believe I have. I am, after all, a Marauder. We've trained ourselves for these things. We've trained ourselves for _everything_. Except what to do when a girl starts crying, because nobody had much previous experience with that sort of thing. Sirius usually leaves before that point.

But that's not the point! How do I let myself get distracted with all this pointless blabber? I hope I don't sound like this – kind of like Slughorn, actually, which is very shudder inducing – in real life. Or, you know, the real life outside my head. Because I really don't think anyone should consider what goes on in their minds to be real life.

Let's face it, cute and furry chipmunks _don't_ just ask you how your day went. And you definitely wouldn't just take it in stride. Or start singing. And dancing, with said cute and furry chipmunk, in an obviously pre-rehearsed choreography routine.

Damn! _How_, how do I do it? I could probably write an entire book full of nothing.

Anyway, what was the point? My original point I mean.

I forget.

Oh well, I'm sure it wasn't important. If I even had one at all. When do I think about important things?

"_James!_"

"What?" I snapped, annoyed at my forgetfulness. Isn't that supposed to be an old-person thing? I'd better check the mirror for wrinkles. Or my soup for a subtle aging potion. Snivilus can be creepy like that.

"She's asleep now – no thanks to you, might I add – now get the cloak!" Sirius hissed at me.

"Lily's asleep?" I blinked.

"_Yes_," Peter groaned.

"Peter?"

"For Merlin's sake, Prongs, get your damned cloak!"

"Touchy little werewolf," I grumbled, trying to get out of my squishy armchair.

Honestly, could they design these things to be any more awkward? You try and sit normally and you end up either with your head between your knee's, you've slumped down so far, or all hunched over because your butt's squished into the crack.

Hmm. That sentence sounded rather awkward.

"James for_ Merlin's sake_, get the cloak!"

"Sorry," I called back, and started to rummage.

It took eight and a half minutes, to find that thing. I know, because my loyal, faithful, _wonderful_ best friends kept _count_!

"Eight minutes and twenty _three_ sec- oh. You're done. Finally."

I felt the tiniest bit guilty as I walked out of my room to see Lily hovering on a stretcher in between my three friends with an adorably serenely looking face.

"It's a shame to cover her up," I sighed, resisting the urge to run my fingers through her hair … again! I haven't had a quiet moment yet to ponder the whole Lily-kiss scenario. I wonder when my next History of Magic class is?

"Yeah, yeah," Remus snatched the cloak out of my hands with cold efficiency. "You can fantasize later."

And teachers like him.

"Agreed, mate. It's time to _prank_!" Sirius looked gleefully happy, no matter that it hadn't been three days since our last one.

Ah, who am I kidding, I was practically squealing. _Manly_ squealing. Of course.

"Let's go, let's go!" I grabbed the invisible stretcher and pushed it to the doorway. Unfortunately, since it was invisible, I pushed too far and Sirius nearly collapsed over Lily's head.

"_Merlin_, Prongs," he muttered, feeling around this time before he walked.

"Sorry," I said again, shrugging. "It's odd being on this end of an invisibility cloak."

"Let's just get on with it, shall we?" Remus raised a brow.

"Right," Sirius snapped a sloppy salute. "Yes, your hairiness, sir, sergeant, corporal, major-"

"Just go!" Remus pushed him out of the door.

If only Lily was awake, this moment might be perfect…

* * *

**OhmigodI'mBEGGINGforareview!?!?!?! On my hands and knees! Mentally.  
:D**


	11. Hookumsnivey

****

A/N: I told you Part Two was soon to follow!  
Dedicated to AkatsukiWings, :) thanks!  
& WOW your name is hard to spell :P

**Hey I'd just like to say that some of these words I use, you won't find in a dictionary or anything, because they're really outdated, and obviously no-one uses them anymore :)**

**Guess what, guys!?! I have _plans_ for upcoming chapters! :O Usually I just go with whatever (why d'you _think_ this is so random?) but I actually have ideas for the next like four chapters! I'm amazed.**

**OH! AND THIS IS IN LILY'S POV! Dude, I almost forgot :S  
****  
Okay, enough of me, go read! *makes shooing motions***

* * *

Chapter Eleven – Hookum-snivey

(a con, deceit, or fakery)

* * *

The Pranking of One Lucius Abraxis Malfoy  
…Part Two…

* * *

It all started with a hex.

Well no, in reality it probably either started with a very innocent couple covering themselves with leaves or bacteria growing arms. But you know how humans tend to oversimplify things.

But for this … thing … it all started with a hex. By one Lucius Abraxis Malfoy. God, I hate him, I really do.

Do you know what he's done to me? Everything, that's what. He's hexed me, insulted me, leered at me, spread rumors about me, tried to get Severus to hate me, and actually tried to destroy my Transfiguration notes. I mean, I can see everything else, but the notes? Really?

I probably shouldn't have told Potter about it. The hex. But I was in a furious rage at the time, you know, I probably would have told him anything.

So now here I am, under Potter's invisibility cloak, pretending to be drugged into a nice dreamless sleep. How do I get myself into these situations?

Not many people know, actually, that Dreamless Sleep potion cannot be mixed with other substances. _Any_ other substances. There's a very precise balance of ingredients in it, and adding anything else will not go over well. Which is why my boobs are aching and I'm feeling more alert than ever. Who knows what was in that tea.

I can't believe I took food from a Marauder. Did I learn nothing from the Great Food Fiasco of '74? Apparently not. But it was Remus! Remus the prefect. The should-have-been-Head-Boy!

I repress a sigh. The Marauders can't hear me or they'll drug me properly. Or stutter and apologize and wince and offer to shine my shoes. I'm not taking my chances.

James had been trying to get me to drink the tea – in a blatantly obvious way, now that I think about it, which is quite embarrassing indeed – when he suddenly just zoned out. I don't know what he was thinking about, and I really don't think I _want_ to, to be perfectly honest. But apparently Remus and Sirius were fed up of James' beating around the bush. Or so they said once they thought I'd been drugged. If they call _that_ beating around the bush…

"Lily you should drink your tea," Sirius had said to me, and Remus took a great gulp out of his own cup. I was still a little dazed from Potter's sudden retreat to his happy place, and not suspecting anything, of course, so I just downed the whole thing. And it was pretty cold by then, which was rather disgusting.

Then my boobs started aching and I wanted to feel them – doesn't that sound odd – but Sirius was right there, and who knows what he would have done. I began suspecting that I'd been drugged when my senses became nearly hyperactive. The fly buzzing around the room actually became a major annoyance.

Buzzz … Buzzzzzz …. _Buzzzzzzzzzz_ … BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

And then I noticed that my shoe was untied part way.

I love my shoes. They're Muggle Converse, and I haven't seen a single other person in the school with them. Actually, I'm pretty sure that we're supposed to wear our regulation boring old school shoes, but I'd risk breaking a rule for my wonderful Converse. I charmed moving swirls of colour onto them. I can't wear them in Muggleland, of course, but it's still worth it. Petunia was _so_ jealous. And freaked out, a little bit, but that's always nice to see. Until she starts throwing things.

Where was I? Oh, my shoe. So I noticed that one of the laces was loose and for some reason that just bugged me and bugged me and I couldn't get it out of my head. So I leaned down to untie it and apparently both Remus and Sirius assumed that I'd fallen asleep, just like that.

"Yes!" Sirius had said excitedly. "The Dreamless Sleep worked!"

I could give him some lessons on not confessing to the crime.

Partly thanks to my overactive mind, I quickly realized that I had two choices. Sit up and give them the old "wtf?" or pretend to stay asleep and eavesdrop on them, thus gaining hopefully spectacular blackmail material. It wasn't that hard of a decision to make, really.

"I'll get Peter," Remus had nodded – I think – and marched out of the room.

Sirius had started conjuring a stretcher and I took this opportunity to slump a little more comfortably over my legs. This was getting kind of awkward. Especially with my stupid tender chest! When did my legs get so _hard_?

"What's wrong with James?" Peter had asked and I assumed Ja- _Potter_ was still staring off into nothing. Merlin that boy is odd.

"Who knows?" Remus grunted. "James. James! _James_!" he huffed.

"What?" Potter had snapped, sounding all put out.

Pff. Sure. _He's_ got a right to get put out. Not me, the drugged-asleep girl. Thank you, universe.

"She's asleep now – no thanks to you, might I add – now get the cloak!" Sirius hissed.

"Lily's asleep?" He had sounded utterly bewildered.

"_Yes_," Peter had groaned.

"Peter?"

"For Merlin's _sake_, Prongs, get your damned cloak!" Remus snarled.

"Touchy little werewolf," he had grumbled, walking into our bedroom.

If I hadn't already known about the werewolf thing, that would have come as a _huge_ surprise.

"James for_ Merlin's sake_, get the cloak!" Sirius had nearly wept. Apparently he'd gone back into his odd little daydreaming mode.

"Sorry," he called back.

Cloak? _The_ cloak? This is sounding ominous. I'd better be ready to jump up and run for my life. Or other various things I'd be willing to break this charade for. Say, my hair, my soul, my shoes … in that order.

"Right, let's get her onto the stretcher," Remus had said.

I was starting to feel quite pissed off.

First, they drugged me. Let's start with the most obvious. That's bound to make any rational human being a tad annoyed. Second, James just walked past me, while I was all slumped over, and he didn't even care! And he's supposed to _like_ me. Hah. Third, _my breasts are killing me_! Holy Merlin, what was _in_ that crap!?

Oh and then there is the fact that I am being forcibly manhandled onto a levitating stretcher by three hormonal eighteen-year-old boys. Yes, yes that _is_ my arse, Peter, thank you for noticing. You smell like cheese.

They dumped me onto the stretcher – owww, gah! – and proceeded to be so annoying that I thought I might just jump up and smack them, forgetting about my brilliant blackmail idea. It took all of my power to continue to lie there with my face all nicely relaxed.

"Eight minutes and twelve seconds, eight minutes and twenty _three_ sec- oh. You're done. Finally."

Thank God! You've saved my from a fate worse than _death_, Potter, even if you did get me into it in the first place.

"It's a shame to cover her up," he had sighed.

Oh I am going to _kill_ him! It's a shame to _cover me up_? What, he's only sorry about that? He doesn't feel at all bad about _drugging_ me!? He will die!

"Yeah, yeah," Remus had said and I found a cloak that smelled of boy draped over my face. "You can fantasize later."

Hmm. That's simultaneously hot and disturbing. I think I'll just try not to think about it. Instead I'll focus on this cloak that's draped over me. I really want to open my eyes … Maybe if I squint?

"Agreed, mate. It's time to _prank_!"

Oh Sirius. You sound ridiculous. I hope you look back on this one day and blush.

"Let's go, let's go!" Potter had … squealed. Nice.

He had grabbed my stretcher, pushing it somewhere and I suddenly found Sirius' crotch in my face. Great, thanks Potter. Just what I wanted.

"_Merlin_, Prongs," Sirius had said and his pants, and other bits, were removed from my face.

Which is when I noticed that I could see. At first, I'm not _too_ ashamed to admit, I freaked. Until I realized that no one was paying the least amount of attention to me. Which is when I got the whole invisibility concept.

I mulled that over as I was levitated through the Gryffindor common room, past the Fat Lady, and down several flights of stairs.

I'd _read_ about invisibility cloaks, but I hadn't thought someone in Hogwarts would have one. They're supposed to be really rare. And the few that are out there aren't really up to being mauled around in a careless Seventh Year's trunk.

But I couldn't concentrate and wonder why we were going down to the dungeons at the same time, could I? No, definitely not. Especially as we went through at least half a dozen passageways that I didn't even know existed.

"-Can't wait to see the look on Malfoy's face."

I only caught the last part of the sentence, absorbed as I was in remembering where each of the passageways were for future use. What? Malfoy? And then I remembered the hex he'd tried to use on me back when this whole mess started. Only two days ago, surprisingly. Well three, soon, because it really is quite late.

So here I am, under Potter's invisibility cloak, pretending to be drugged into a nice dreamless sleep. Again, I ask, _how_ do I get myself into these situations? I may never know.

We stopped at a perfectly blank stretch of wall, but it seemed to mean something to _it_ – as I will now be calling The Prat – because he stopped and snickered.

"Right," _it_ said eagerly. "You know what to do."

They did, I will grudgingly admit in the relative privacy of my own mind.

Peter grabbed a piece of parchment and started scanning it, unfolding flaps and squinting in odd places. I thought he was going loony for a second, but Sirius patted him on the back and told him to keep an eye out, and I was forced to rethink my previous assumption.

Remus carefully got a potion in a large, clear flask out of their bag and started performing numerous spells on it. One levitated the liquid out of the flask and into the air above a certain stretch of wall. Then he tied the liquid in place by some pretty complex anchoring spells. And then he started incanting … _things_. And I have no idea what they do! Which is very rare for me, not going to lie.

Sirius and _it_ went to either side of the liquid and started waving their wands around. Unfortunately, I have no idea what they said. I was more distracted by Peters comment:

"Guys … _guys_, hurry up, Sluggy's coming on the corridor side, we have two minutes, tops."

Okay. Okaaay. Don't freak out, Lily. Don't freak out…

I'M FREAKING OUT!

Sluggy as in _Slughorn_? As in _Professor_ Slughorn?

We're going to _die_, we're going to die a slow and painful death of mortification, because he knows I'm supposed to be tied to James, so the whole invisible stretcher thing will come out, and then the whole Lily's-not-really-asleep thing will come out and then I'll _die_ a slowandpainfuldeathofmortification!

"Okay, we're done, let's go," Ja- _it_ said, quickly grabbing my stretcher. After feeling around with his hands stretched out at waist level like a blind lunatic. Which was pretty funny to see, even from within my panicked thoughts.

I was pushed out of the hallway, just as we heard Slughorn coming with his heavy, clomping footsteps and his slightly wheezing voice.

"I've got your toad…" floated down the corridor toward us, spectacularly out of tune. "And I'll have it … 'till you're ooold…"

_I hate you, Potter_, I mouthed up at his unsuspecting head. _And I hate that I like you._

Damn hormones.

* * *

**A/N: You make me haaappy, when skys are greyyyy (if you review), you'll never know deeear, how much I looove you (when you review), please don't taaake, my suuunshine (reviews) awaaaayyy.... *bows***


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